I had no intention of running tonight. And I lived up to that thought.
I was supposed to teach class tonight but it wasn’t meant to be. Went to Target and Froyo instead. I still needed to get some exercise in. I knew damn well it would not be a run, wog, or jog.
I needed to at least walk. Somewhere. Anywhere.
I couldn’t find my earbuds. And when I walk I don’t like to be left alone with my thoughts. You know, with them being evil plotting revenge thoughts and all. No earbuds, means no music, means alone with thoughts.
I started walking randomly in a different direction than usual. No destination in mind. Just random wandering. And I start thinking of how hard it is to run. I mean to really run. Fast, hard, continually, determined. How my whole body aches all the time. How much harder it is on my lungs. How revenge has become a thing for me when I have not a single competitive bone in my body. Why does the PR mean something? Why now that I have aged so much do I want to start living?
The thoughts can overwhelm me at times and I catch my eyes welling up with tears.
Then I think… THERE IS NO CRYING IN REVENGE!!
I am stronger than my thoughts. I am stronger than my worries. I am stronger than my mental fatigue.
I WILL AVENGE MYSELF AND PREVAIL!
One emotional step at a time.