Turns out cancer is a paperwork nightmare! Went in for my very first MRI ever yesterday. It was loud and awkward and a bit uncomfortable lying still for twenty whole minutes. I am in the ‘tunnel’ and all these odd loud knocking, scraping, scifi noises are going on around me. At first I tried my yoga breathing to help relax me and keep my mind focused. It is very hard to get a good deep breath when you are lying on your sternum and have asthma. So then I decided to count the seconds so I would know exactly how much longer I had to be in there. But, if you have ever read any of my blogs you should know by know, counting, numbers, math.. not for me. Then I had this brilliant idea that I would pretend that I was in the original Disney movie Tron!!! You know the one with a very young Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner. Of course when I tried to explain this to the young tech helping me she had never heard of the movie (or the reboot even and I kept thinking it was Kirk Douglas so I totally messed that up) But so you know the noises sounded very scifi-ish. So I kept picturing all the cheesey graphics in my head. You know doing what it takes.
The paperwork, oh the paperwork. I started with HR at work. They gave me paperwork for FMLA (job security) and for Disability for when my vacation and sick pay runs out I still get some income on my days out. I called the doctor office because they have to fill it out and mail it in for me. They will gladly fill the paperwork out but it is a $30 fee. This was a surprise to me. I asked the HR rep at work and she said more and more doctors offices are charging for it even though they are certified by the FMLA to fill it out. Crazy. All I can figure is there is so much paperwork involved in life today the office hire someone to do nothing but the paperwork and that is how they get paid. So now you know.
All the places ask you questions like: Have you had surgery before? What kind and what day. What day? I have no idea how long ago I had my tubes tied. It was sooooooo long ago!! When day did your last cycle end? Had my tubes tied, can’t get pregnant why should I keep track of that? So I just make up dates. I think I had surgery in 2003. That sounds plausible.
And now this, this paperwork came in the mail from the oncologist that I see in two weeks, yep two weeks but they want me to get a head start. The page I snapped a picture of simply states “check any symptoms that currently apply” As you can see it is tiny print. And are these symptoms that are only applying now because I have cancer? I have only known about the cancer since the 3rd of Nov. so if they happened prior to my knowledge are they really from the cancer diagnosis? Weight gain, loss of appetite, excessive appetite, insomnia I have all of those for a long time. Nasal congestion, nasal drainage, sinus pressure, well ’tis the season. Of course I have some of those symptoms. Am I having my period, well not right as I am filling the paperwork out today but there is a good chance that when I see you on the 10th it has started. Muscle aches. Dryness in the skin. Changes in the nail beds. Itching. Sore throat. Excessive thirst. Breast pain. Red eyes. Shortness of breath from exertion. Excessive snoring. If I was a hypochondriac I would be very concerned about all the items on the list.
I catch myself checking my skin color, questioning the itchy skin, second guessing my red eyes… oh my goodness.. It just cracks me up! How am I to honestly fill this out? Yes I am having lots of those symptoms, but I have struggled with most of them for many years…
Paperwork, dates, and questions oh my!!
Where is my wine?