Dreams

I may have to come up with another platform to talk about the cancer.

I want to keep my sense of humor and positive attitude alive and kicking. I mean come on I started a revenge blog. Not a woe is me blog. Although at times my wogging is totally a woe is me blog! πŸ˜€

Last night was the first night since the diagnosis that I wanted to cry. Not from pain or from the worry of the upcoming appointments and surgeries. But just because I really haven’t yet and I felt I needed too. Which I don’t want to do in front of my husband because he is trying to stay strong but is having a harder time it seems than I am. Hmm. Maybe I need to find a support group. I know they have them. And I need to look into volunteering with the American Cancer Society too.

The Dr. warned me that the cancer will affect my dreams. I found this to be true last night. It wan’t a dream of death. But of bad guys getting into my home and making me feel unsafe. My son said he caught 3 out of 4 of them and had them tied up in the bathroom. I caught the 4th one and tied him up with a phone cord ( if I have any young followers they may not know what that is) when I asked my son which bathroom he said the downstairs. I opened the door and it was empty. He then said maybe it was the upstairs one. I told him no, it wasn’t because I had just used that one. It turns out all the bad guys escaped. And somehow the one I caught got away too. My husband yelled down the stairs and said that since the house was empty and we were “safe” he was going to the store to get doughnuts.

In the dream I was left in a house of disarray and shambles. The husband gone thinking all is well. A son who simply felt he did his best and could do no more and me worried about the bad guys returning to the scene of the crime.

I think it is totally the cancer messing with my head!!

I keep saying I am fine. I feel good. I got this. It is my battle. My circus. My monkeys.

There is no rhyme or reason to this blog other than I need to have a place to safely talk about my dream. I haven’t told all my friends just a supportive circle and some family. I don’t want looks of sympathy or sorry. But after yesterday I think it is time for me to look into other outlets.

This revenge on my body thing is harder than the let’s get healthy and beat the wog time of a ‘friend’!!

Ugh. now I feel silly after reading this… oh well posting it will help me get it out of my head.

And I am, on the surface. Finding out my self conscious is not makes me reconsider my game plan.

2 comments

  1. neveradullbling · November 12, 2015

    It’s why we blog… to find other avenues of communication. You need support right now. I know you don’t want people to feel sorry for you; however, their first reaction is going to be just that, so be prepared. I was absolutely floored and stunned when you wrote about it. However, once all the sorry has passed, everyone will rally for you. Because they want to, not because they have to. And you need that. I had another friend who had breast cancer, and she posted everything about it on FB, and I mean FB (back when I actually still had FB). And I admired her so much for sharing about it. She took a lot of the “mystery” and “fear” of the not knowing what goes on behind the scenes of someone with the big C. It was therapy for her to post about it… it might be good therapy for you too. Unless you want to keep it really private, then that makes sense too. Oh, and here’s another thing you’re going to get when you tell people what’s going on… lots of bad and stupid advice on how to cope even though they’ve never been through it. πŸ˜‰ Just know I’m here for you, and I hope that by writing about that very ugly dream, it goes away.

    Liked by 2 people

    • breidengale · November 13, 2015

      Thank you!!! one of my fears is that someone will tell me about how they were cured by eating only broccoli for 3 months or something dumb like that.That is why I won’t Facebook about it. Hard enough when my mom gave me all her advice. πŸ™‚ she did go through this 2 years ago but hers is different and her choices worked for her. Sharing my dream did help me not dwell on it. And that is a good thing. Your words are very encouraging. I appreciate it.

      Liked by 2 people

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