The experts claim there are seven stages of grief when you lose someone. Shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger depression, and acceptance/hope. I think the seven stages can be linked to other loses as well.
If you lose a race, you experience anger, disbelief, guilt, denial, and bargaining and eventually acceptance and hope that you will improve, get faster and do better next time.
If you lose a friend from emotional fallout, you experience anger, shock, guilt, depression and eventually acceptance that they were probably a toxic poison in your life from the start.
If you lose your wallet, you experience anger, guilt, bargaining, denial and disbelief and eventually acceptance and hope that you will find it and no one will steal your identity.
You stub your toe, you experience shock, bargaining, anger, and eventually acceptance that you are clumsy.
There is a saying ‘life goes on’ and there is an ultimate truth to that. No matter what ended in your world, a life, a friendship, a health the world keeps moving on with or without you. You CHOOSE to make it a learning experience. You CHOOSE to make it a healthier place in your mind to live. You CHOOSE to understand and make yourself a better person from the grieving process.
When I first got the ‘call’ I was in shock/disbelief and how can this be happening to me mode. I have plans of revenge, and fitness growth, and traveling, and motivating others. This is unacceptable.
Since it is the most mild form of breast cancer ever, and it is not a high priority I have thoughts of denial that maybe it isn’t even really an issue and if I pretend it isn’t there it won’t be.
I have bargained with myself over giving up my wine. Sigh, yes, I have to give up alcohol so I can be healthier and take preventive steps to reduce the chances of it reoccurring. But I keep saying that I will wean my self off slowly. After all I still have bottles of birthday wine sitting here.
I have experienced anger, and depression. Oh the depression comes and goes as it pleases. But my worst thing I have experienced to date is the desire to put my life on hold.
I am changing that today! I am still making my plans for revenge damn it! I am still going to get my HipHopHiits license this weekend. I am still pushing my Zumba classes (until surgery). I am still planning the movie date with friends for the last Hunger Games. I am still writing out my long term and short term goals and going to reach for them.
I will get back to interacting on my ‘Work it Out’ page of one minute workouts and motivation. I will get back to laughing and working out and savoring every moment of life. I will find my sense of humor again in all of this. It will be real, and sincere and raw and honest but I WILL HAVE HUMOR AGAIN!!
And I am sure I will experience all the stages again and again through the process and treatments, but it doesn’t have to define me, or put me on hold. It can shape me and make me smarter, funnier and hey even stronger.