What is it about stress?

Lack of sleep. Lack of the ability to stay asleep. Curious thoughts coursing through your brain at the oddest hours.

I am wide awake at 1 AM Googling “what happens to expired milk”

This is what I have found:

Someone claims they ‘re-process’ it and turn it into chocolate milk.

Others say it is returned to the dairy and turned into cheese or pet food.

I like the one that said they give it to pig farmers, along with used fryer oil and outdated scrap foods so they can make slop for the troughs.

All I know is I laid awake in my bed for half an hour before getting up and drinking a glass of milk. I probably should have warmed it up.

Hopefully  my midnight curiosity is satisfied and I will be able to fall back asleep.

Surgery is coming up in a few weeks. Found out yesterday. That could be  why the sudden urge to figure out where the bad milk goes in the middle of the night.

It is totally related somehow I am sure. It has to be. Or else I am losing it and that is something I cannot Google away at 1 AM.


If the pants fit….

If the pants slide over your thighs there is no room for cries.

Honestly. I dread pants shoping. When I finally break down and go, I buy at least 3 pairs and wear them until you can literally see through the britches.

This is how it goes down. I find the same brand I had 2 years ago. Look for the “approximate” size. Adjust for weight gain and thigh spread. Grab a few different shades of blue. Hop into the dressing room. And cross my fingers that I can get them over my thighs.

If they slide up over the thighs, I do not cry. If I can’t get them up much past my knees… well all bets are off. I cry. Tears of ‘woe is me’.

Yesterday I found two pairs that slide over my thighs. Who cares if they have a ‘stretchyness’ to them. Who cares that they have a ‘secret sliming’ effect. I certainly don’t care. I got two new pairs of jeans.

I can never, ever wash them, but I have two new pairs of jeans. No tears. And a fresh tube of Glide for Her incase I forget and wash them.


powerful thighs. foiled today.


Screw This.


I am officially calling it “the day I willingly let them stick another needle in my boob’ day.


Tonight I purposely sip my Moscow Mule silently thinking that I am feeding the cancer.


This post brought to you by Skyy Vodka and ginger beer.

Tonights sleep brought to you by melatonin.

All I can think is “screw this” and have another sip.



This too shall pass……..right?

I am more feisty than the cancer. I will win! I will get my revenge! I will teach again! I will be an even better, friendlier, kinder person after this!

Right after I finish this vodka…….

White Christmas

My husband and I recently went to a live theatre production of White Christmas.

The movie is a Christmas classic/staple. You really don’t want to mess with it too much.

We decided that it takes a lot of guts to perform this particular play in the home town of Bing Crosby. I mean his childhood home is on the tourist attraction list. We have a Bing Crosby Theatre. Do you want to take a chance and perform this?

The first half was 90 minutes long then intermission and then 60 minutes for the second half. I think that is longer than the movie itself.

All the classic songs were in the show. They added new characters and altered some of the scenes, like you have to when adapting a movie to a play. All in all it was a great time.

It is always nice to do something new and fun with some old and kinda fun 😉





Last Wednesday I went in for an MRI. Wednesday afternoon I had a call from my doctor office that I missed. I had to wait until Monday before I could return the call because of the Thanksgiving break. I worked, the rest of the world didn’t.

Monday morning I call, thinking they were going to tell me I needed to fill out more paperwork, or my insurance was not covering things, or fingers crossed that the cancer is even smaller yet.

Instead the call was to tell me that they found another “questionable spot” same breast but different area. I have to go in for another biopsy “just to be sure” The news totally threw me for a loop. I was not prepared for this. I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANOTHER BIOPSY. They are painful, scary and uncomfortable and take a long time to heal from. I of course agreed to another, because what else do you do? Now I wait for another appointment, another needle, more mammograms.

My mother, who had breast cancer 3 years ago suggested I read Susan Sommers book. She said it has a lot of good information in it. So I was in town and bought Knockout. Doctors curing cancer. CURING. I do not know if I should be reading the book because it questions EVERYTHING that we do to treat cancer in today’s world. It has filled my head with doubts. Before I was comfortable with my plan of action. Get in, get it out, get it done. Now with this new spot (that I have no idea what it is yet I’ve already mentally accepted it is as more cancer) I am doubting all my choices, thoughts and procedures.

Anyone out there that has tried alternative treatments? I would never be able to afford them like a famous rich actress like Suzzane Somers. I obviously am not bold enough to ask for alternatives (hence the fact that I am giving into another biopsy that I do not want) But I want to know. What has your experience been?

I do not have a lot of followers on this blog but the few I do if they would share this with others maybe someone will be able to answer some of my doubts. I don’t know. Just a thought.

I am pretty confident I will be starting my period next week. Actually company Christmas party is Saturday so odds are I will start during that! So the news may have made me actually cry and freak out and over analyze because hormones are, well dumb.

Thanks for letting me share. And vent. And release. This helps.