When is a cold just a cold?
Today, today I called in sick. It is the first time in five years that I have called in sick to work. Seriously, I have what they call perfect/perfect attendance. I haven’t even missed a lunch punch on the clock. They make a big deal out of that at work. You get a pretty decent cash reward for perfect/perfect attendance. It makes me feel like I am reliable, dependable and responsible. I like that people just know that I will be there if I am scheduled to work. I don’t like to let people down. Ever.
Which then makes me think about my job.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer I met with the surgeon. When I was given the choices of radiation/lumpectomy or mastectomy/reconstruction surgery, (from original diagnosis) I asked what kind of downtime was involved. Meaning, how much work will I miss. She immediately told me that people will not remember you for your job, they will remember you for how you lived. Missing work to get better should be the focus.
I am not defined by my job. Showing up for work on time and everyday does not define me. It does however show my personality, my drive, my commitment, my loyalty, my responsibility, and that is what defines me. I take pride in doing a good job. I think it is a trait that is lost in this day and age. It gives me purpose. It gives me a reason to be up and out and a functioning part of stimulating the economy.
I define my job.
Now, now I feel like I may have a cold. I am clammy, have an ear ache, my chest has congestion, and I am achey. I have to realize that a cold is not a cold when you are going through chemo. It is a full on attack while you are basically defenseless. I have to make the call. The call to protect myself so I can BE myself once again.
This is a state of flux that I have never been in before. It is a new challenge for me. Accepting that I am vulnerable. Understanding my new purpose. Seeking, searching and living out what I believe with balance.
After all it is just a cold.