Well not real hats, but proverbial hats for sure. You know the story as a mom you wear many hats: nurse, caregiver, chef, maid, teacher, etc. I think it is easier to wear and juggle all those hats than what I do now.
Yesterday as I was getting ready for work I tried on all the hats, hair pieces, scarves and whatnots shown on the bench above. Yes this really is my bench by the front door. Yes it is where I keep my head coverings.
I tried on every last one yesterday and none of them looked or felt right. Not one! Several of the knit hats and the two Beaubeau scarves are on loan from my friend who went through cancer a few years ago. They are actually very comfortable and usually my go to head piece. None of them felt right yesterday. So I went online to order some different colors and styles for me. Oh my goodness they are so expensive! It kind of caught me off guard. I also went on line to find a lymphedema sleeve (I am also borrowing one of hers right now too) and that really rocked my boat on pricing!
I have a beautiful friend who wants to cut off all her lovely long hair and give it to me to make a wig. I went online to find a wig maker. Found one in Oregon. It takes her 200 hours to make a wig from real hair. You have to have 8 ounces of hair and if it is all donated the wig making process cost $1200-$2200, it cost more if you don’t have enough in donation and they have to add some from another source to make a full wig.
The wig my aunt gave me is good. The color is very near to my ‘real’ hair color but the bangs are not right and it doesn’t lay right around my face. She asked me to not cut it but I could get it thinned out or styled. I tried to curl the bangs so I could wear it and singed the hair. So I emailed a local wig place to see if they will help me fix it so I can wear it.
My friend asked me the other day ‘why don’t you just own it’ meaning my bald head. She has beautiful hair and is young and bold. I simply said I am not there yet. I may never be there. I leave it bald at home. After all Keith is the one who shaves it for me. So no worries about his reaction. I just don’t know if I am strong enough to face the world with a naked head.
I have learned that dangle earrings and baseball caps look odd together. That a knit hat is awfully warm on a 78 degree day. That some of my hair on my head is still growing so it itches like mad and the Beaubeau scarves get crooked easily if you scratch under them.
Needless to say this threw me into a depression yesterday that made my whole day a struggle. It took everything I had to not cry. It took all day to get out of the ‘feeling sorry for myself’ mode. I don’t think I was mentally prepared for this. The cost of ‘cancer accessories ‘ that are actually needs. The fact that I actually cared so much.
I will get through this. I will.
At least my boobs look good.