The day started with my usual two, okay three cups of coffee. Time wasted on social media. A catch up on the local news. Some meditation and contemplating. Recorded my daily workout video for Cancercize and packed lunches. Not a bad start to my day but nothing special.
Suddenly I was feeling brave and confident. I decided I was NOT going to wear a head covering today at work.
As I was getting ready for work, applying my makeup I looked good and hard in the mirror and thought, hmm I think I can do it.
I walk to the dining room to grab my lunch and purse and kiss goodbye. I tell him today is the day I am going to be brave. How do I look? This was my first dent in my confidence.
His response was ‘I look at you everyday, I am used to you, your coworkers are not’. It wasn’t meant cruelly, it just came out in boy speak. You know words and tone are not their finer points. But it was enough to make me grab a hat as I walk out the door.
As I drove to work on the freeway still feeling somewhat confident, I noticed a car keeping perfect pace with me. I glanced over. He was staring. Staring intently until he was caught, so he sped away. This is my second dent in my confidence.
It messed with my emotions more than I anticipated. How can I expect co-workers and friends to accept this head if I can’t. I can’t because strangers can’t. I had a hard time shaking that thought process today.
BUT WAIT!!! This is a picture of me! I had a friend come over and snap pictures for the Canercize flyers and the website we are building. So I must have some confidence. I just don’t have ALL the confidence…..yet.