How many spoons…



The other night I was at my son’s apartment helping him clean before his move. We were listening to 80’s music in the background and chatting. I was savoring every moment since I knew they will be few and far between now.

Then I hit my wall. I was exhausted and just couldn’t push myself through it. I needed to reserve enough energy and alertness to drive home.

I explained to him that no matter how healthy and energetic I am getting I still have a limited amount. When it is gone, it is gone.

He paused and shared a story with me that resonated with him.

A woman shared about spoons. We wake up in the morning with twelve spoons. We eat breakfast that uses one spoon. We drive to work that uses a spoon. We spend eight hours at work, that uses 3 spoons. At the end of the day we are out of spoons and we start over.

The woman explained that people who have had a life altering trauma or struggle with something like depression may wake up with twelve spoons or wake up with five spoons and try to make them stretch. Once the spoons are gone they are gone.

I tell you that I was so glad I didn’t have to explain it to him. That he just got it.

I am gonna miss that kid.

Confessions of the Revenge Wogger….

Photo on 8-23-17 at 8.36 PMWordPress I come before you now. It has been twelve days since my last confession. I have been saving up.

I do not know if I have the passion or motivation to ever run, wog or jog again.

In fact I have no idea what my passion is anymore, if I even have passion.

I can not even recall when my last walk was. I am still working out. Lifting weights, dancing, and controlled cardio workouts. Just not wogging.

I do know this (here is comes, word vomit) :

I used CBD cream for the first time for the achy bones and it seems to help. The bones really hurt more and more now. Stupid Arimidex.

I somehow got poop on my favorite sweatshirt. My own poop and I am not even that flexible.

When you have menopause things change. Like the hair on your chin. You actually have hard coarse hair on your chin. Your sex life. It is pretty much non-existent. Not that we don’t want to, it is just harder. Bad choice of words there. Sex is painful. Not to mention I am very self-aware of my scars and misshapen body.

It has been so hot here that nothing seems possible. We finally had a break from the heat and I started taking care of the house and yard again.

My 30th class reunion is in October and I am excited to see some old friends. That was planned.

I haven’t washed my sheets since I moved into my house.

I have been basically blogging on Facebook instead of here. (cheating on WP)

Truth is my energy levels are still recovering. I only have so much energy per day and I spend it running around in circles looking for passion.  Oops obviously not running, see earlier confession…chasing around in circles? spinning around in circles? chicken with her head cut off circles? I think you get it.. I just can’t seem to remember what it is I like.

Did I mention the poop? I definitely know I don’t like that.








Then there is this morning…….

There are mornings where I get up because I know that I can have a good cup of coffee if I do.

There are mornings when I get up because I have to. I have to water the yard. I have to do my workout. I have to do my homework. I have to go to work.

There are mornings, more of them lately where getting out of bed is difficult. Not because I am tired but because I physically struggle with it.

There are mornings where I overslept and have to rush around getting lunches made and shoes on, and out the door in record time.

There are mornings where I wake up from a dream that seemed so real that for a moment I am unaware of my surroundings.

Then there is this morning. This wonderful delicious morning that I am reminded that I have been fortunate enough to wake up one more time and be alive.

One more time for a good cup of coffee.

One more time to get the chance to take care of this yard we have earned One more chance to make myself stronger from a workout. One more chance to do homework that will make me a better, more confident and free person. One more chance to work hard at my job and be a good example to others.

One more time that even when it is hard to get out of bed I CAN GET OUT OF BED.

One more time that I can get ready in a pinch if I have to. I like being low maintenance.

One more time to understand my reality is beautiful. I have the husband who adores me, a son who hugs me and shares with me, a home that we own that makes me smile and never feels like work.

One more time to be thankful.. I am a fighter, survivor, mother, wife, sister, friend, neighbor, co-worker, dreamer.

This morning reminds me I have one more day of life that last year was questionable.

This morning reminds me that all things are possible but to focus on the points that really matter.

This morning is beautiful.