144.6…have the courage to fight the battle within….

All day today I have been hungry. Had an interview today at work and while asking the questions I could hear and feel my tummy growling so loud. It was only 11AM and I had a very loud grumbley  tummy, and that was AFTER I had helped myself to the Jack Links prime rib jerky!!! 9 grams of protein and 60 calories. Easy to keep track of that when you buy it with a label.

My scalp has been aching all day. It reminds me of when my scalp ached right before I lost my hair during chemotherapy. I half expected my hair to fall out in clumps today. It still hurts at this moment.

This is how my day played out with my food today:

Woke up and had a couple of sips of coffee, black. Did my yoga practice and move of the day. Brewed another cup this time with creamer. Made my super foods shake. Today it was chocolate with banana and spinach.

Get to work and have two more cups of coffee with the almond milk creamer.

Lunch was Kale salad with lemon dressing, parmesan cheese, chick peas, black olives and some chicken. Then I went to the vending machine freezer and got a steak and jalapeno burrito. Half of a cucumber and a cheese stick rounded out my lunch.

Came home and made baked penne. It was like lasagna only no meat and penne pasta. It also had hidden veggies in it. Carrot puree mixed in with the tomato sauce and cauliflower puree mixed in with the cheeses. The cheese mix was the puree, mozzarella, and ricotta with garlic. It was very good. So good I had two servings. TWO. Also had two hard ciders. Oh boy. Can you say carb addict?

Water is only at 120 ounces today.

Do you have the courage to fight the battle within first?

How did you do?

144.4 and more Christmas cookies

I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I am overwhelmed yet I ask for more work. Yes, I just said that. I asked for more work, more responsibilities, more growth, more. Just more. Now I need to find the balance. I will, I know I will.

So I have been dealing with a lot of emotional things these last few weeks. I don’t know how to explain it completely. It had a lot do to do with holidays, and wintertime. Darkening skies, colder temps, doctor appointments and weight gain. I have been wearing those emotions on my sleeve and others started taking notice. They have been worried about me. Today I decided to hide my emotions and bring back ‘happy , bouncy fun ball’ Renee. Turns out when I hide my emotions I feed them instead. That is what happened today. I fed ALL my emotions today. I think this is NOT called balance.

Here is how my food day played out:

Breakfast: coffee and creamer. Chocolate super foods shake with dark cherries and spinach.

Get to work and brew more coffee: two cups and creamer.  Emotions are ready to be fed. I opt for a bag of single serving Funyuns.

Lunch came at about 2PM today for me. I was so thankful for my left over tacos from last night because all I could think about is hamburgers. I wanted a cheeseburger so bad. The two tacos were ground turkey, cheese and salsa. Had Kale salad with lemon dressing and parmesan cheese. So far so good…..

Then Manpower brought over Christmas cookies. I ate 4 and one-quarter. The one-quarter is because I bit into one and it was awful so I threw the rest of it away. I guess that is a victory, right?

Anyway I did my yoga Flow workout this morning.

125 ounces of water for the day.

How did you do?

146….

Work from your heart.

That is a phrase that has been playing in my head for the last few days. Trouble is, I don’t really know where my heart is right now. Hard to work from somewhere when you don’t know where you are.

I chalk it up to wintertime, depression and my upcoming doctor appointments. I want a good weigh in for my appointment yet I keep eating the carbs. I know this won’t work yet I keep sabotaging myself. I wanted the scale to be down by five pounds more than the number above but it won’t happen.

Water: 125 ounces

Workout: Yoga balance. Move of the day.

Breakfast: coffee and creamer, two cups (one was decaf)  Super foods shake chocolate, spinach and blueberries

Work: two cups of coffee with creamer

Lunch: tuna salad with celery and cauliflower. One slice of Daves Killer Bread. Half of a yellow bell pepper and 1 ounce of Cheez-its.

More coffee, decaf this time. Yes, there was creamer.

Dinner tonight was tacos. Yes the ones pictured above. I don’t know what it is about homemade tacos but I have to eat them ALL! I had four tacos tonight. I used ground turkey cooked in canola oil. Shredded cheese and salsa to top it off. Had a hard cider. It is the one listed above, it is made in Portland OR which is close to home so I had to try it. It is a true semi sweet. Not to bad.

I dove back into the left over ginger cookies. I had six of them. I think I will take the rest to work with me so I don’t eat them.

How did you do?

 

cookie party…

Today was the cookie bake-off at the Blue Door Theatre. It is our local improv theatre that I have been a volunteer at for about nine years now. We try to do several events throughout the year to help encourage player/volunteer engagement. Today was pizza, white elephant exchange and a cookie bake off. I actually made cookies this year. I am NOT a baker. Oh I love to watch the baker shows, in fact I am watching Nailed It right now.  I made a Spicy Ginger cookies. I called them ‘I have a secret spicy ginger cookies’ The secret is they had pumpkin puree and black bean puree in it. I liked them. The judges gave me third place and I got a super cute warm reindeer throw for that!

Anyway with it being a party day my food was not that great:

Breakfast was waffles. I ate FOUR of them this morning. I ate that many because we found this amazing slated caramel maple syrup. It was so good I kept eating more waffles so I could have more syrup. Yikes! Had a glass of skim milk with breakfast. Oh I had my coffee too! Three cups total with creamer.

I taste tested two of the ginger cookies and had three of my hubby’s Poppable chips. The sea salt ones are so good.

Now I am at the party….it will be a mess:

Three slices of pizza, one was Hawaiian the other two were veggie. I had the veggie to ‘make myself feel better about the pizza’ I had several handfuls of tortilla chips, humus, carrots, salsa, potato chips AND eight, yes EIGHT various types of cookies. I mean I had to taste them all too, right?

BLEH!!! I am so full and tired now. I feel gross from all the sugar too. Yet, I did have a great time visiting with friends and watching everyone open their white elephant gifts. It was a nice time.

I did you my workout today. Yoga stretch, plus I filmed three videos for the YouTube page. Now I just need to get this eating thing under control.

100 ounces of water.

How did you do?

Pizza crusts counts…

Woke up this morning a bit depressed. Still processing information from yesterday that has me doubting everything. I feel uneasy about things. Not sure what is going to happen always leaves me uneasy and when I am uneasy about things it leads to depression. When I am feeling the depression coming on I feed it food. Lot’s of food, mostly carbs and very little veggies.

Here is how my day played out (food wise)

Woke up had coffee and creamer, two cups. Also had a cup of hot cocoa.  Made breakfast for hubby and I. Six slices of turkey bacon (hubby didn’t want to eat his so I had to help him out) two slices of toast with spreadable butter, two scrambled eggs with cheese. The eggs were cooked in olive oil.

Lunch was the rest of the salad from last night with the balsamic dressing. Had a slice of pizza. The hubby had two slices then gave me his crusts. He is very giving that hubby of mine. I have to count the pizza crusts I eat too, right?

Met up with a friend today around 2PM at a coffee shop. Had a 20 ounce double shot dirty chai latte.

Dinner tonight was one of those roasted chickens from the store. I ate ALL the crispy skin while I was making dinner. I made chicken fettuccine alfredo. I used large egg noodles instead of fettuccine noodles. The sauce was made with milk, mozzarella and parmesan cheese. The secret ingredient was cauliflower. So I guess I did have two servings today after all.

Water is at 125 ounces.

Did expansion core yoga today. Makes me feel a little better.

How did you do?

I don’t want to write tonight…

I don’t want to write tonight. My day started off great did not end that way. I am gong to bed.

This is what I ate:

Coffee with creamer one

3 chorizo Monterrey jack egg bites from Starbucks

16 ounce toasted white mocha

1 cup of coffee with creamer

Half of a bell pepper

One slice of Dave’s Killer bread

Half a serving of the tuna salad with cauliflower and celery in it

Pita chips with Tostitos cheese dip

One bite size snickers

Two slices of white pizza with sausage, two pizza crusts

salad with tomatoes and black olives and red onions with balsamic dressing

Yoga

Water 125 ounces

How did you do?

 

I had so much…

I had so much I wanted to share with you throughout the day and now when I am take the time to write it out I can’t remember any of it! Bleh. I think I need to carry a notebook with me, all the time. Or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be read by someone else.

Now I am ready for bed and totally captivated by the American Great Holiday Bake Off show so I am just going to log what I ate and call it good.

2 cups of coffee with almond milk creamer. Chocolate super foods shake with dark cherries and spinach. Got to work and had two more cups of coffee with creamer.

Had a ‘snack’ before I went out to wrap pallets on the dock. Wanted something from the vending machine to get a protein boost. I picked up the ‘cheese sandwich’ it is two slices of pepper jack cheese with a slice of salami in the middle. I have it on several occasions. It hits the snack spot.. I went to ring it up and it was $3.45 THREE FOURTY FIVE!!! That is ridiculous. I should have walked away but nope, picked up a bag of chili cheese Fritos, 2 ounce bag. Turns out one bag is two servings….so there is that.

Lunch was better, I ate the left over salmon patty from the night before it reheated nicely. Also had half an apple and half a cucumber.

I was surprised to come back to a 16 ounce caramel latte sitting on my desk! A visiting co-worker surprised me. It hit the spot.

Didn’t get home from work until about 8PM. Hubby heated up the left over sloppy joe mix I had made (it has butternut squash and sweet potatoes in it) served it on a normal white hamburger bun (oh my!) then I was still hungry so I made myself a cheese crisp too. Washed it all down with an Angry Orchard Knotty Pear hard Cider.

 

That is my day….now back to my show.

How did you do?

Salmon burgers…….

I didn’t sleep at all last night. Seriously, I didn’t. I have no idea how I was able to make it through work. I was numb in the mind and emotions (until the end of the day when I lost it) I am happy that even though I didn’t sleep I still got up and worked out with a friend. I promised I would and I showed up and that is what matters. I will tell you that I have no idea how in the heck I am still awake right now.!! I should be passed out, I feel very wide awake still. This is how it started last night. Ugh. Hope it is not another toss and turning with my brain not shutting off night..

Anyway here is how the food played out today. I have excuses but I am not going to use them. Here it is:

 

Breakfast was coffee with creamer, one cup. Super foods shake Cafe Latte flavor with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Get to work and have two cups of coffee with creamer and three Christmas cookies that a co-worker brought in today. Ugh. Tis’ the season.

Lunch was 1/2 cup of tuna salad with the cauliflower puree and celery. One slice of FFC bread. One cup of kale salad with parmesan cheese and croutons. Also had diluted lemon  dressing. I wanted more food so I bought a bag of Tostitos corn tortilla chips (two servings in one bag) and a cup of Tostitos nacho cheese cup.

Dinner was TWO Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Hard Cider. One cup of frozen green beans, one tablespoonful of garlic aioli and the salmon burger pictured above. The salmon burger has carrot puree in it too.  I was determined to FINALLY make this recipe forgetting that it called for putting the patties in the fridge for one hour first. Yikes! Who has time for that? So I popped them in the freezer and took a shower (I feel better after that) while they set. Hubby and I really enjoyed these! He had his on a bun. I saved one for me to have for lunch tomorrow. I will be making these again and again! So good.

I am only at about 125 ounces of water today. I did do my Yoga Flow on the Go workout this morning and that makes five days in a row. I am excited that I am developing consistency.

So, how did you do today?

I have set a goal…

I weighed in today and it was better than the last few days. I have a goal for the end of December. It is to be 141.1 pounds. Why the .1? well it means if I only get to 141.8 it will be closer or some other weird logic like that. It just looks better on paper that way. More realistic I guess.

I tried to keep a tally today on my servings of veggies. The trouble with that is two of my foods today had veggies hidden in them but I am not 100% sure if it counts as a “serving”.

Any way here is the rundown of food today:

Breakfast: Coffee and maple flavored almond milk creamer, two servings. Super foods shake cafe latte with blueberries and spinach. Added almond butter and turmeric this time too.

Get to work and have a  decaf coffee with the same creamer as above. Then I ended up brewing two more cups by noon.

Lunch: tuna salad (made with cauliflower puree and chunks of celery) One slice of Daves Killer bread (totally fits into the FFC department, fiber filled carb) cucumber slices. I had more tuna than bread so I went to the vending machine and bought a serving of whole grain Cheez-its. It also fit the FFC guidelines. 130 calories, 19 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber. Tasted great and I really enjoyed eating them.

Dinner was an Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Cider, the leftover burger patty from last night (it has carrot puree in it) two slices of cheddar cheese and half of a bell pepper. Hubby also made me try the new flavor of Poppable chips he had bought. I had two of them, white cheddar flavor. They were pretty good but I liked the original ones better.

If you were keeping tally of my veggies today I counted them as four; Spinach, Cucumbers, bell pepper and then for each serving of protein that had veggies hidden in them I counted as one more serving. I think that is fair, right?

I have 125 ounces of water in me so far and am half way through another 25 ounces.

I did my workout this morning: Yoga Flow. I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to the Flow on the Go tomorrow with friends.

Do you have an end of the year goal you are trying to reach? How close are you? How did you do with your tracking today?

It just a case of the Monday’s..

another white lie I tell myself. Having such a struggle right now. I was quite proud of myself for not crying at work today. I didn’t laugh but I didn’t cry so that is good.

I will get right to it since I am afraid I will over share.

Breakfast: coffee with creamer; tow cups. Super foods shake chocolate flavor with dark cherries and spinach

Get to work and had about three more cups of coffee and creamer.

Mid-morning snack was the last of the cashews. Twenty pieces.

Lunch was a kale salad with parmesan cheese and croutons and lemon vinaigrette, one cup of cottage cheese.

Then I found  secret stash of chocolates in the office and helped myself. Had three bite sizes pieces.

Dinner was a burger with hidden veggies. I made them from turkey and beef and carrots puree. One slice of cheddar cheese and one cup of Brussel sprouts doused in Chulula sauce. One Angry Orchard Knotty Pear.

Water is at 125 ounces and I did a yoga core workout today.

How did you do?