Tuesday…not a taco in sight..

I am just at such a loss right now. I am struggling with keeping the tears in. Cancer is such a bitch. Yeah, I said it..a swear word. I have said many a swear word these last few years. My cousin Eric would let me use the mother of all swear words in our texts to each other. He lost his mom, my aunt to breast cancer and when I was diagnosed he would text me randomly and correct my language.. he would tell me to make it harder. I love him so much for that. I struggle with knowing that I am still here and his beautiful amazingly strong mom is not. Cancer is not fair. Cancer is a bitch. Cancer can suck it.

It took another one last night. I just don’t even have the words to talk more about it right now. I am just emotionally raw. Is that an excuse to not eat right? No. Did I use it? Yes. Do I know that eating healthfully will help retard the growth of cancer? Yes. Do I care right now? No.

With that said this is what I ate today:

Breakfast: coffee (3 cups) with almond milk. Two scrambled eggs with spinach and mushrooms cooked in a teaspoonful of olive oil. I slice of great FFC toast.

Work: more coffee (three cups to be exact) each with 1/2 and 1/2. A granola bar. The crunchy Oats and Honey kind. I was feeling very dizzy this morning at work, I think from sinuses. I needed some carbs/protein bar. I wanted a protein puck but it was more than what I had on my vending machine card. #goodexcusesright

Lunch: ate my sandwich from yesterday. It was layers of deli sliced turkey breast no nitrates, mustard and one slice of that amazing FFC bread. Had a salad of cabbage and two tablespoons of homemade asian dressing.

Snack: about 4:30 PM today. Two tablespoons of humus with pita chips. Carrot sticks and half of a yellow bell pepper.

Dinner: a plateful, albeit a small plate of BBQ beef and a large glass of champagne.

Water: I am at 120 ounces now.

Workout: Yoga stretch. Did something called the ‘lizard’ I am always amused at the names of yoga poses. Makes me smile. Like the ‘happy cow’. It is pretty much like sitting crossed legged just a variation of it but it is called the ‘happy cow’ Maybe cows cross their legs like that when they are done for the day. I grew up around cows and can’t really recall any of them sitting like that…oh well the lizard was challenging for sure but a great hip flexor stretch.

Notice I did NOT have my superfoods shake today. First day I have “missed” in weeks. I just didn’t think it would go well with my champagne.

The champagne is doing its job and helping me relax. I am ready for bed. I will probably turn on Netflix and listen to Fraiser reruns until I fall asleep. If I can sleep. Survivors guilt is a real thing. Losing a young, strong, amazing woman to cancer is a real thing. And it all just sucks.

How did you do today?

 

 

 

and the gummy wins……

How many of you set out with great intentions? I mean seriously great intentions and just a few hours later you have already lost track of what you wanted.

My intentions this week:

Do not hit snooze alarm.

Work my business for half an hour

Follow up with people.

Eat better.

So, I took steps to put my phone on the other side of the room. The intention was that when the alarm went off I would get out of bed and actually get up on the first ring. Turns out my phone actually has a snooze alarm built in and will go off at least four times before actually shutting itself down. SO that was a fail.

Keith and I ate dinner on the couch and watched a Netflix show called ‘Strong Girl Bong-Soon’ kid you not that is the name of the show. I feel like my friends that truly know me should have told me about this show years ago!! It was amazeballs!! An hour and half later, yes one and a half hours for the first episode I am now here in bed blogging about my food. So if you are looking at my list I am 0 for 3….

Last intention today was to eat better. HA!! What a fail that was today. Started off with two scrambled eggs with spinach and mushrooms and a dash of Chulula sauce (my favorite) two cups of coffee with almond milk and one espresso with almond milk and half and half.

Head to work and this is where it all goes to poop…..

1 LARGE handful of gummy worms and sour gummies

3 20 ounce water bottles

2 cups of coffee with half and half

1 hotdog with bun, I scoop of chili beans sprinkle of cheese and onions.

Cabbage salad with tomatoes and homemade dressing from Fixate recipe book.

1tsp of sunflower seeds. 3 mini marshmallows and one peanut. yes ONE peanut… all at work.

The intention was to only have my shake for dinner. Well let me tell you this now makes me 0 for 4!! Got home and the hubby tells me that his work  sent him home with some of the leftovers from Saturday. The BBQ sandwich sounded good so I made one for him and one for me….then I had seconds of just the meat…then had my shake for desert.  So dumb. Not the shake that fact that I couldn’t stick to one single good intention. All I can say is I need to try again and again and again.

Stay tuned to see if I can get it right tomorrow.

How did you do?

Full disclosure!! ………

I totally forgot to tell you about the Almond Joy I and ice cream sandwich I ate yesterday while volunteering at the Living Water grand opening!!! Whew!  I feel better now.

I have absolutely nothing to write about today. I got up. We went to breakfast, then a drive. Came home, took a nap, hit the grocery store and that pretty much sums up my day.

I wanted to eat at Starbucks or Thomas Hammer of breakfast today. Mostly because I wanted the espresso.  We went up to the local mall where there is a Thomas Hammer inside. Store don’t open until 11 on Sundays but restaurants and such open earlier. We got there at 8:55 and Hammer wasn’t open yet. So I pretended to be a “mall walker” for ten minutes so I could get in to the coffee shop. When I came around the bend they still were not open but I could smell the coffee brewing.. Told Keith, never mind let’s go to Starbucks instead. It was after breakfast we went for a drive. It was such a lovely day out today I didn’t want to go home face dishes, and chores.

We drove around our old neighborhood checking out the new developments and looking at houses for sell. We stopped at one near cliff view on the south hill. Keith grabbed a flyer. He asked me how much I would guess the price was. I said 740,000 he’s said I was close, if I would double it!! CRAZY!!

Anyway here is my FULL list of foods I ate today:

Coffee with milk (2)

Breakfast at Starbucks: Venti caramel latte with blonde espresso, Chorizo egg bites and the smokey gouda bacon sandwich.

Lunch: leftover slice of sausage and black olive pizza from the other night and the rest of  greek salad with the balsamic dressing.

Snack: pita chips with spreadable gouda cheese

Dinner: vanilla superfoods shake with frozen blueberries and 1 cup of fresh spinach.

I am glad I had a lot of veggies today. Drank my allotted amount of water. Even got in a small yoga practice too!

I didn’t get everything on my list done today like yard work and filming some new workouts for my YouTube page or my Cancercize page….. but all in all a good Sunday.

How did you do?

Volunteer day!

Today the business my hubby works for had their Grand Opening Customer Appreciation day. Showing off their new building and how blessed they have been in the last 28 years. What started in a garage with a husband and wife mowing yards after work to the company it is now. They have fifteen mowers, two salesmen, and pest control. My hubby is the pest control supervisor for the company. Since today was the grand opening they sent out 4000 invitations to their customers to come on by take a tour, eat some bbq and hang out. THANKFULLY only about 300 showed up. It was a long but fun day…. now time for my logging of my food for the day..

Breakfast: chocolate superfoods shake with dark cherries and spinach. Two cups of coffee with milk.

Get to Living Water and had several cups of coffee with french vanilla creamer.

Lunch break: Longhorn BBQ. I a big plan green salad with some vinaigrette dressing and  some sliced beef and shredded pork with extra sauce. (no bread)

Got home about 4:30 and we are exhausted….so that means pizza for dinner. I had one slice of pizza, 1/4 of a greek salad with balsamic dressing and 3 very thick and very garlicky pieces of garlic toast.

So if you are counting, that is THREE servings of veggies. Lots of protein… and then of course some silly carbs.  Had more than my normal share of water too.

Now I am snuggled in bed with the hubby watching an Amazon Prime show ‘Forever’ with Fred Armison. Maybe we will watch an episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun tonight too. #areyoujealous?

How did you do?

 

 

The bacon cheeseburger wins again….

…..My day started off with a cup of coffee with milk (I am out of almond milk and that makes me sad) make that two cups of coffee with milk. Did my Flow on the Go Yoga workout then had a cup of espresso with get this, the mocha almond milk cold brew…..so that is a ‘double’ in my opinion.  Made my healthy superfoods shake. Today was chocolate, spinach and frozen mixed berries. Same-o same-o..

Got to work had two cups of coffee with half and half. Helped myself to my LAST Little Debbie Swiss roll for a morning snack. Lunchtime rolls around and I have the beef patty with hot sauce on it. IT WAS HOT!!! It was the left over from the taco Wednesday. They make their salsa hot!! Glad I had the carrot and celery sticks to cool my mouth off. Had  some gouda cheese too. A little later on during the work day I broke down and got a coke. Grosses me out now that I am writing about it.

With the dawn of a new age and all the wonderful things we can do online I ordered my dinner online today and had it delivered. Thank you GrubHub…I think!! #notreally

We ordered from the local burger chain called Zips. I got the  pepper jack bacon cheeseburger with mozzarella sticks. THE BEST CHEESE STICKS EVER!!  And that is what my Friday looked like.  My poop may not be good tomorrow from all the cheese. So my body will punish me soon enough!!

Oh well. How did you do today?

 

I don’t want to confess about today….

I don’t even know where I went wrong. Okay I do know where I went wrong, I just don’t understand WHY I went wrong… okay yes I do understand that too! I gave into my emotions and just let it all run amuck from there… the emotions weren’t even that strong!!

 

Breakfast….started off strong as usual. Cafe Latte shakeo with bluberries and fresh spinach. A cup of coffee with almond milk and an espresso with a shot of hazelnut syrup and almond milk. Got to work and had a cup of coffee with half and half. Wasn’t strong enough. Went for a run to the near by coffee shop and had the special Heath Bar again. So good!!! I was super proud of myself for not having a doughnut. I should have stopped there..

 

Had a very emotional day at work. Not even sure I can even understand what threw me into the loop of the emotions in my head but it definitely manifested itself into eating bad food. Didn’t even go back to the fridge to see what was in my lunch bag….went straight to McDonald’s and had the smokey bacon cheeseburger with sweet mustard and a small coke. If that wasn’t enough I was craving, CRAVING red licorice…RED!!!! That isn’t even real licorice.. I really only like the real black licorice not the knock of red vines people call ‘licorice’..ate a whole serving package from the vending machine from work. 400 calories per package..blerg.

THEN to top it off I get home, open the bottle of prosseco that I bought for when my mom came to visit and poured not one, but two glasses of it. Then indulged myself with a hot with bun and sauerkraut and the rest of the hubby’s generic Pringle’s.

Oh my!! Good thing I am having my reboot soon. I think. If I can stick to it for three whole days!!

 

How are you doing?

Taco Wednesday…it’s a thing…

Let’s start backwards today. Mostly because my dinner was AMAZING tonight. I got home about 6:30 after work and talked the hubby into going to the local taco truck that now lives two very small blocks from our home. TWO BLOCKS!!! YIKES! Had the campencho taco special, at least I think that is how you spell it. It has meat, chorizo, onions, Serrano, jalapeño and cactus in it. Doesn’t that sound lovely? It was. I ate ALL three of them plus the re-fried beans and rice that came with the meal. NO regrets.

Lunch: hamburger patty, a pickle stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon (a friend brought it for me) black beans and  cauliflower risotto.

Breakfast: cafe latte superfoods shake with spinach and blueberries. Two cups of coffee with almond milk…. on my way to work I stopped by and got the special at the coffee shop. It was called the Oh Henry. It was english toffee and chocolate, it was perfectly lovely too!!

I didn’t stick to my eating plan for sure but I do not regret anything I ate tonight, not one bit. I worked out this morning. Drank lots and lots of water.  So all in all a good day. At least that is how I feel now…..when I weigh in tomorrow morning, we will see.

 

how are you doing?

I don’t know why…

I don’t know why I get my hopes up. I know who I married. Don’t get me wrong I ADORE my husband Keith. He is so beyond amazing to me and all that I have put him through (see past blogs) but, lets face it girls we want men that just FEEL our wants without having to tell them, right? Ha ha. You are probably wondering, Renee what does this have to do with your accountability food blog you are starting? Well let me tell you…

Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee with the last of the almond milk creamer. Vanilla superfoods shake that after I added the fresh spinach and frozen blueberries it looked chocolate. Tasted good so that is all that mattered.

Work: (don’t you like how I make work a meal) 2 cups of coffee with half and half on k-cup cafe latte vanilla. 1/4 cup raw almonds

Lunch: 1/2 apple, homemade coleslaw and tuna with veggies.

Snack: I went to the vending machine. I really wanted wheat thins but we were out so I was going to pick up the Sabra Humus snack pack and saw that it was 320 calories!! so I picked up the savory snack pack. It was 130 calories total and had grapes, baby carrots, pretzels and little cubes of cheddar cheese. I felt pretty good about that choice and it helped hit the salt I was craving.

THEN I text my hubby and tell him how I am so, so, soooo hungry and I want spaghetti and meatballs with a crap ton of garlic toast and the strongest bottle of wine possible but that I would settle for drinking my water..I guess. He simply text back with “ok” “OK”!!! What the frak!!! What do you mean ok?? Can’t you read through the lines and see that I am STARVING!?!?!?!?

I get home hoping to find some type of dinner made for me involving lots of carbs. Nope. Nada. Nothing. Sigh. I love my husband I love my husband I love my husband… I really do I was just hopeful…. so here goes my horrible dinner confession:

Dinner: 2 packages of Little Debbie Swiss Roll snack cakes…not two rolls (1 serving) BUT 2 packs equaling 4 rolls. But wait there is more. While I am eating the chocolate and drinking a can of Truly hard sparkling water with the second can on the counter waiting to be opened and inhaled soon, I am cooking the hubby’s dinner of fettuccine alfredo. I think to myself, ‘Renee, you need some type of protein Little Debbie and alcohol is not enough for dinner’ So I pop a hot dog and some sauerkraut in the microwave for my “REAL” dinner.

bleh… I will get there. I know I will. I was thinking that I might make my shake my DINNER since I am always so tired after work and so hungry. It is fast and easy to make. Keith can fend for himself, right?

How are you doing?

Mondays Report

Good evening to you my friends. It is Monday and here I am once again reporting what I am eating.

Breakfast: coffee with almond milk (2) Chocolate superfoods shake with dark cherries and spinach… (so good!)

work: two more cups of coffee this time with half and half.

lunch: one hot dog, sauerkraut,  coleslaw (not with mayonnaise, gross!!) and black beans

snack: almonds,  a slice of gouda cheese and carrots and celery

Dinner: hamburger patty and cauliflower mushroom risotto.

AND if it ended there it would look so good…but and this is a big BUT I had a Little Debbie Swiss Roll snack cake and a cup of de-caf espresso with real milk..

Okay all in all a much better day then the last few weeks I think. If I would have skipped the snack cake it would have been for sure. Weighed in today, actually I weigh in every day, weight was not even close to being okay this time. Bleh. Drank plenty of water though. Trying to be in the habit of drinking 16 ounces of water BEFORE each meal and snack.

Well that is all for my Monday report. How are you doing?

yeah, the bacon won again, and other confessions…

Today I got up and Keith and I decided to head out for breakfast. Went to one of his favorites little diner’s called The Chalet up on the hill.  We timed it perfectly and where able to get in right away. Good thing we were both very hungry! He had the the cheese and sausage omelette with toast. I ordered the biscuits and gravy with sausage links and a side of crispy bacon. The waitress knew the links were for the hubby so she split it accordingly. The bacon was cooked just crispy perfect!

So if you are keeping track this is my breakfast today: coffee with creamer (two cups) biscuits and gravy with has browns and bacon.  I ate a slice of the sourdough bread with blackberry jam. Lots of water too.

Lunch, well Didn’t really eat lunch until about 2PM and it was a Little Debbie Swiss Roll.

Went for a walk with the hubby to justify that…wasn’t a long enough walk but it was out doors and together on a beautiful day.

Dinner: I made orange chicken and jasmine rice along with cheese wontons and crab wontons for an appetizer. We headed over to DQ for a free blizzard and I had the m&m one.

I grilled up hotdogs and hamburgers for this coming week and when I put them into a baggies I broke off a small amount and ate that. It totaled about a full bite.

I did not work out this weekend except for the walk. I did drink lots of water.

PS I love bacon.