144.4 and more Christmas cookies

I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I am overwhelmed yet I ask for more work. Yes, I just said that. I asked for more work, more responsibilities, more growth, more. Just more. Now I need to find the balance. I will, I know I will.

So I have been dealing with a lot of emotional things these last few weeks. I don’t know how to explain it completely. It had a lot do to do with holidays, and wintertime. Darkening skies, colder temps, doctor appointments and weight gain. I have been wearing those emotions on my sleeve and others started taking notice. They have been worried about me. Today I decided to hide my emotions and bring back ‘happy , bouncy fun ball’ Renee. Turns out when I hide my emotions I feed them instead. That is what happened today. I fed ALL my emotions today. I think this is NOT called balance.

Here is how my food day played out:

Breakfast: coffee and creamer. Chocolate super foods shake with dark cherries and spinach.

Get to work and brew more coffee: two cups and creamer.  Emotions are ready to be fed. I opt for a bag of single serving Funyuns.

Lunch came at about 2PM today for me. I was so thankful for my left over tacos from last night because all I could think about is hamburgers. I wanted a cheeseburger so bad. The two tacos were ground turkey, cheese and salsa. Had Kale salad with lemon dressing and parmesan cheese. So far so good…..

Then Manpower brought over Christmas cookies. I ate 4 and one-quarter. The one-quarter is because I bit into one and it was awful so I threw the rest of it away. I guess that is a victory, right?

Anyway I did my yoga Flow workout this morning.

125 ounces of water for the day.

How did you do?

146….

Work from your heart.

That is a phrase that has been playing in my head for the last few days. Trouble is, I don’t really know where my heart is right now. Hard to work from somewhere when you don’t know where you are.

I chalk it up to wintertime, depression and my upcoming doctor appointments. I want a good weigh in for my appointment yet I keep eating the carbs. I know this won’t work yet I keep sabotaging myself. I wanted the scale to be down by five pounds more than the number above but it won’t happen.

Water: 125 ounces

Workout: Yoga balance. Move of the day.

Breakfast: coffee and creamer, two cups (one was decaf)  Super foods shake chocolate, spinach and blueberries

Work: two cups of coffee with creamer

Lunch: tuna salad with celery and cauliflower. One slice of Daves Killer Bread. Half of a yellow bell pepper and 1 ounce of Cheez-its.

More coffee, decaf this time. Yes, there was creamer.

Dinner tonight was tacos. Yes the ones pictured above. I don’t know what it is about homemade tacos but I have to eat them ALL! I had four tacos tonight. I used ground turkey cooked in canola oil. Shredded cheese and salsa to top it off. Had a hard cider. It is the one listed above, it is made in Portland OR which is close to home so I had to try it. It is a true semi sweet. Not to bad.

I dove back into the left over ginger cookies. I had six of them. I think I will take the rest to work with me so I don’t eat them.

How did you do?

 

cookie party…

Today was the cookie bake-off at the Blue Door Theatre. It is our local improv theatre that I have been a volunteer at for about nine years now. We try to do several events throughout the year to help encourage player/volunteer engagement. Today was pizza, white elephant exchange and a cookie bake off. I actually made cookies this year. I am NOT a baker. Oh I love to watch the baker shows, in fact I am watching Nailed It right now.  I made a Spicy Ginger cookies. I called them ‘I have a secret spicy ginger cookies’ The secret is they had pumpkin puree and black bean puree in it. I liked them. The judges gave me third place and I got a super cute warm reindeer throw for that!

Anyway with it being a party day my food was not that great:

Breakfast was waffles. I ate FOUR of them this morning. I ate that many because we found this amazing slated caramel maple syrup. It was so good I kept eating more waffles so I could have more syrup. Yikes! Had a glass of skim milk with breakfast. Oh I had my coffee too! Three cups total with creamer.

I taste tested two of the ginger cookies and had three of my hubby’s Poppable chips. The sea salt ones are so good.

Now I am at the party….it will be a mess:

Three slices of pizza, one was Hawaiian the other two were veggie. I had the veggie to ‘make myself feel better about the pizza’ I had several handfuls of tortilla chips, humus, carrots, salsa, potato chips AND eight, yes EIGHT various types of cookies. I mean I had to taste them all too, right?

BLEH!!! I am so full and tired now. I feel gross from all the sugar too. Yet, I did have a great time visiting with friends and watching everyone open their white elephant gifts. It was a nice time.

I did you my workout today. Yoga stretch, plus I filmed three videos for the YouTube page. Now I just need to get this eating thing under control.

100 ounces of water.

How did you do?

Pizza crusts counts…

Woke up this morning a bit depressed. Still processing information from yesterday that has me doubting everything. I feel uneasy about things. Not sure what is going to happen always leaves me uneasy and when I am uneasy about things it leads to depression. When I am feeling the depression coming on I feed it food. Lot’s of food, mostly carbs and very little veggies.

Here is how my day played out (food wise)

Woke up had coffee and creamer, two cups. Also had a cup of hot cocoa.  Made breakfast for hubby and I. Six slices of turkey bacon (hubby didn’t want to eat his so I had to help him out) two slices of toast with spreadable butter, two scrambled eggs with cheese. The eggs were cooked in olive oil.

Lunch was the rest of the salad from last night with the balsamic dressing. Had a slice of pizza. The hubby had two slices then gave me his crusts. He is very giving that hubby of mine. I have to count the pizza crusts I eat too, right?

Met up with a friend today around 2PM at a coffee shop. Had a 20 ounce double shot dirty chai latte.

Dinner tonight was one of those roasted chickens from the store. I ate ALL the crispy skin while I was making dinner. I made chicken fettuccine alfredo. I used large egg noodles instead of fettuccine noodles. The sauce was made with milk, mozzarella and parmesan cheese. The secret ingredient was cauliflower. So I guess I did have two servings today after all.

Water is at 125 ounces.

Did expansion core yoga today. Makes me feel a little better.

How did you do?

Salmon burgers…….

I didn’t sleep at all last night. Seriously, I didn’t. I have no idea how I was able to make it through work. I was numb in the mind and emotions (until the end of the day when I lost it) I am happy that even though I didn’t sleep I still got up and worked out with a friend. I promised I would and I showed up and that is what matters. I will tell you that I have no idea how in the heck I am still awake right now.!! I should be passed out, I feel very wide awake still. This is how it started last night. Ugh. Hope it is not another toss and turning with my brain not shutting off night..

Anyway here is how the food played out today. I have excuses but I am not going to use them. Here it is:

 

Breakfast was coffee with creamer, one cup. Super foods shake Cafe Latte flavor with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Get to work and have two cups of coffee with creamer and three Christmas cookies that a co-worker brought in today. Ugh. Tis’ the season.

Lunch was 1/2 cup of tuna salad with the cauliflower puree and celery. One slice of FFC bread. One cup of kale salad with parmesan cheese and croutons. Also had diluted lemon  dressing. I wanted more food so I bought a bag of Tostitos corn tortilla chips (two servings in one bag) and a cup of Tostitos nacho cheese cup.

Dinner was TWO Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Hard Cider. One cup of frozen green beans, one tablespoonful of garlic aioli and the salmon burger pictured above. The salmon burger has carrot puree in it too.  I was determined to FINALLY make this recipe forgetting that it called for putting the patties in the fridge for one hour first. Yikes! Who has time for that? So I popped them in the freezer and took a shower (I feel better after that) while they set. Hubby and I really enjoyed these! He had his on a bun. I saved one for me to have for lunch tomorrow. I will be making these again and again! So good.

I am only at about 125 ounces of water today. I did do my Yoga Flow on the Go workout this morning and that makes five days in a row. I am excited that I am developing consistency.

So, how did you do today?

I have set a goal…

I weighed in today and it was better than the last few days. I have a goal for the end of December. It is to be 141.1 pounds. Why the .1? well it means if I only get to 141.8 it will be closer or some other weird logic like that. It just looks better on paper that way. More realistic I guess.

I tried to keep a tally today on my servings of veggies. The trouble with that is two of my foods today had veggies hidden in them but I am not 100% sure if it counts as a “serving”.

Any way here is the rundown of food today:

Breakfast: Coffee and maple flavored almond milk creamer, two servings. Super foods shake cafe latte with blueberries and spinach. Added almond butter and turmeric this time too.

Get to work and have a  decaf coffee with the same creamer as above. Then I ended up brewing two more cups by noon.

Lunch: tuna salad (made with cauliflower puree and chunks of celery) One slice of Daves Killer bread (totally fits into the FFC department, fiber filled carb) cucumber slices. I had more tuna than bread so I went to the vending machine and bought a serving of whole grain Cheez-its. It also fit the FFC guidelines. 130 calories, 19 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber. Tasted great and I really enjoyed eating them.

Dinner was an Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Cider, the leftover burger patty from last night (it has carrot puree in it) two slices of cheddar cheese and half of a bell pepper. Hubby also made me try the new flavor of Poppable chips he had bought. I had two of them, white cheddar flavor. They were pretty good but I liked the original ones better.

If you were keeping tally of my veggies today I counted them as four; Spinach, Cucumbers, bell pepper and then for each serving of protein that had veggies hidden in them I counted as one more serving. I think that is fair, right?

I have 125 ounces of water in me so far and am half way through another 25 ounces.

I did my workout this morning: Yoga Flow. I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to the Flow on the Go tomorrow with friends.

Do you have an end of the year goal you are trying to reach? How close are you? How did you do with your tracking today?

Last day of November……

I have no idea where this day went. Seriously I arrived at work at 8 like usual, next thing I know it is 12:30…12:30! Had to leave work for a pizza run for a good-bye party for one of my co-workers. There was snow and rain and running around town. When I get back it was 2:30PM. I walk in the door and am immediately pulled back out again for more meetings. I feel like  I was never even there. Really weird day. And now it is the end of November…so crazy.

 

I woke up this morning and weighed in. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t good. What I am disappointed about is it is higher than last month. All I could ask myself is ‘Now What’? BUT Oct. started at 147. Nov. started at 143. It is ending at 145. I am not happy with it yet it is still better than when I started in Oct. I have to keep reminding myself of this: I am still working on this and that I still have gains (technically losses).  One day at a time…. here is how my food played out today:

 

Breakfast: Coffee and creamer two cups. Super foods shake today was cafe latte, spinach and banana.

Stopped off for a Starbucks Caramel Creme Brûlée grande size. My excuse for Starbucks today was to get Tyler a goodbye coffee and a gift card. Yeah, I may have a problem…hmm.

Lunch happened about 2:45 PM when I grabbed a slice of pizza from the party and snagged a few bites before hitting the meeting. Came down scarfed it down and went in search to see if there was any left. There was, so I scarfed that one down too.

Finally get home from work and I am not sure what to make for dinner. We settled on breakfast. I made the hubby three scrambled eggs with cheese and two slices of toast. The toast smelled so good. I really wanted some. I talked myself out of it. I am pretty darn proud of that.  I had two scrambled eggs with a bit of cheese and cup of spinach. I added salsa to it and then had a couple of slice of turkey bacon (pictured above). Lots of protein and some veggies. It was very good.

All in all I feel pretty good about today even with the pizza. I made sure to have my next meal be better instead of giving into other craving.

Water was okay today, 150 ounces.

No work out today. Just happy to be home in my warm bed watching  Accidentally on Purpose crying and laughing. I am okay with this.

How did you do today?

Thursday……

I am sore from yesterdays workout. That makes me happy but when I smile about that it hurts!! Ha ha! True story. I am also happy that it is Friday eve. So ready for this work week to be over.

This is how my food played out today:

Breakfast was three cups of coffee with creamer (um one was decaf) My yummy super foods shake today (pictured above) was cafe latte with spinach, blueberries, and almond butter.

One of my friends/coworkers was celebrating a birthday today so I stopped at the coffee shop to pick up a cake pop and a mocha maple spice, yes I picked one up for me too. The coffee not the cake.

Lunch was a can of tuna with a spoonful of mayo, dill pickles and black olives. One slice of fcc toast (that means fiber filled carb) Half of a red bell pepper and 20 salted cashews.

Dinner tonight was a cheese stick and a  carrot. I know so exciting! I was tired after yet another long day at work so I didn’t want to make anything. I did have enough energy to peel and slice the carrot but, yeah that is about it for me tonight.

I did do a yoga workout this morning, even though I am sore from yesterday. Today’s was a stretch and release workout. I think I really needed it!

I am currently at 125 ounces of water and working on another cup.

How did you do?

Make better choices….

the plan was to make better choices. I follow a very simple guideline for food. Breakfast is a protein and carb (a veggie earns extra credit) Lunch is a protein, carb and veggie. If you need a snack it should be a protein and carb and only after lunch . Dinner should be veggies and protein, with the veggies being about 75% of the meal. I struggle with this. Mostly because I love carbs…today was no different. This time my carbs was a glass of champagne. I am not stressed about it. I liked it and it was nice to sit down to dinner tonight with it.

Sometimes I let all the guilt get to me about my food. I hang with people who are super healthy and fit, then I feel bad because I am not there yet. I let the guilt of my upcoming doctor appointments in December (three of them) make me feel bad that I am not down those extra six pounds I wanted from the last appointment. Unfortunately the doctors scale is always five pounds more than mine. The nurses there are not very kind about your weight and when it doesn’t budge they seem to judge you. Funny how an oncologist office can make you feel bad about you weight.

The other day my husband told me that he has seen a change in my attitude. Not in my weight, even though I am down twelve pounds from last year, guess you can’t see it. Makes me mad. Not mad enough to stick to my basic plan and that actually makes me angrier.

It truly is about making better choices on a consistent basis. Guess I am not there yet, I just have to keep trying.

Here is how my food played out today:

Breakfast two cups of coffee and creamer. Cafe Latte super foods shake with blueberries and spinach.

Work: coffee with creamer, two cups. 3 Triscuit crackers with a tablespoonful of a homemade cheese ball. (port cheese, cheddar and cream cheese) Very good.

Lunch: cottage cheese, three slices of bacon (thank you Scott Woods!) half of a honey crisp apple, spinach salad with garbanzo beans and black olives. Tossed it with balsamic vinaigrette.

Dinner tonight is pictured above: Steamed Brussel sprouts and a hamburger patty followed by the last of the champagne.

My headache is finally starting to disappear so that is a good thing.

Worked out this morning Yoga abs and ten minutes of meditation.

Water is at 185 ounces.

 

How did you do today?

Still have the headache…

I still have the headache. Officially 24 hours now. Went to Walgreen’s after work and got the real Sudafed from behind the counter. Hopefully it will release the pressure and i can sleep tonight.

I went to bed early last night hoping to sleep it off. Instead I was awakened by it at 2AM. Took some meds then turned on Bob Ross. His voice soothed me enough that I fell asleep, about an hour later. Makes for a very long Tuesday.

Lack of sleep, a raging headache makes it hard for me to stay on track. This is how it played out today:

Coffee with creamer, two cups. You know, coffee because your head still hurts so bad at 2Am so you take more meds and watch Bob Ross to soothe you back to sleep then hit your snooze button eight times this morning coffee.  Had a shake. Chocolate with dark cherries and 1 cup of spinach. Hubby had a full shake today. He was pleasantly surprised at how full it kept him. He had to remind himself to eat lunch!

Get to work and make more coffee, two cups regular one cup decaf all with creamer. Snacked on some cashews about 25 pieces.

Lunch was out of the vending machine, I did eat the half bell pepper that brought with me but I wanted the breakfast platter out of the machine. It had a biscuit with sausage gravy, scrambled eggs with cheese served over a hash brown patty and two sausage links. When I was done I went back for a small bag of Funyuns. What is wrong with me?

Got home about a very long eleven and half hour shift at work and a run to the drugstore. Decided I should eat something so I could take some ibuprofen. Settled on three corn tortillas with cheese.

Water is at 150 ounces but I am getting ready to refill my cup again.

No workout today, I should have done some yoga it may have helped. I will tomorrow, no excuses.

How did you do?