147..It’s my Friday!!

It was goody day at work today. At one point I just wrote down in my tracker “grazing” I am just going to post the picture of my tracker. It is too much to actually re-type for the blog…

berg. At least it is my Friday. Ginger spice cookies were a hit.

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Change the bag of Welches Fruit snacks to three and I finished off the last 25 ounces water rounding it out to 150 ounces for the day. I did do my Yoga stretch this morning and that is ONE positive thing. I also had my healthy super foods shake so that is TWO healthy positive things.

 

How did you do?

144.8 Wednesday …..

Everyone is doing the best he can…..That was the lesson from my personal development today. Everyone is doing the best he can. Even if it doesn’t appear that way they really are.  Good words to learn to live by. If only I could figure that out.

Today was my blood draws and infusion. I am so happy that day is over!! I am actually feeling very relieved and I fully believe I will be able to sleep tonight. Thankful the hubby he came with me this time. It helped me be more talkative and distracted. I always cry a little when they try to get the iv in. I still shed a few tears but much less this time. I told him that I wanted him to take a picture of me. I wanted to do the “Jill Whelan” face from the movie “Airplane”

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That is as good as I could do. If you are going to be miserable you may as well find a way to make it fun, right?

Blood work came back good. I still have osteopenia and there is change in my spine but not enough to have to change my meds. So all in all it was a good week. I think my lipids are not lower so I am sure my PCP will be calling me soon about that. Bleh. Oh well one thing at a time.

I had to fast for my appointment so my whole day of food is off. Very off. This is how it played out:

Plain coffee (fasting) Get to work around 11:15AM go and get an almond butter Protein Puck. It was stale and I couldn’t chew it. I managed to get about 1/2 of it down. I really wanted an espresso but hubby drove me and so I didn’t have the car. I settled for coffee with almond milk. Wasn’t that good. Someone offered me a chocolate truffle and I ate that. it was good.

Lunch rolled around and it was kale and cabbage salad with green olives and feta dressing. I added tomatoes too. Had one cup of bake pasta. Shared some of Scott’s chips and salsa again.

After lunch I had another cup of coffee. This time with almond milk and sugar. Yes sugar.

Got home after work and had to bake the cookies pictured above. Ginger spice. Made them spicier this time, more ginger and allspice. Hubby said they were spicier.

Anyway while baking I made dinner. Two cheese crisps, 2 Angry Orchard hard ciders, 10 nonpareil chocolates and two ginger spice cookies. No wonder my cholesterol isn’t getting better :/

The GOOD things I did today was YOGA with my friend Ginny and 150 ounces of water. That makes me happy. That and infusion is done!

How did you do?

145.8 Tuesday:What is wrong with me…

Give your best regardless of who is watching. That is what I read today in my personal development. I am being as honest as I can on this blog on what I eat and it is definitely not ‘my best’ Bleh. Here it is in it’s full glory.

Coffee w/creamer (almond milk) 2

Vanilla super foods shake with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Work coffee with almond milk, two.

1 and 1/2 ounces of chocolate covered almonds.

Lunch: kale salad with poppy seed dressing and four little tomatoes. 1 cup of pasta from last night. Giant pretzel with cheese dip. Five large Fritos with salsa #thanksscott

One cup of decaf coffee with almond milk.

Get home. I have the CHOICE to eat healthy OR stuff my face since I have to fast for blood work and my infusion tomorrow. I opt for stuffing my face.

This is how dinner played out: Smartfood white cheddar popcorn; one serving. Two cheese crisps. One Angry Orchard hard cider. Two Welches fruit snacks.

WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.ME?

My excuses have been the stress and anxiety of my upcoming appointment tomorrow. So the question lies; will I stop eating like this AFTER the weigh in and blood work and infusion tomorrow? I guess we will know soon enough.

I did get my yoga in today and 150 ounces of water.

Monday. Dexa scan 146.8….

Had my dexa scan today, maybe deca scan.. It is a bone density test. It is one of the easiest appointments I could possibly ever have on this cancer journey of mine. No calcium 24 hours prior and no metal, buckles, or zippers. I wore my workout pants and my wireless bra. Turns out I still had to take my bra off since it had metal hooks. I did put on my work shoes and long socks so I looked quite hilarious in the waiting room. Black knee-length workout pants and socks with cups of coffee on them! Oh well. Made the appointment go easier. I had to turn my left foot in and then the technician strapped my foot in place. It was just funny when she asked me to turn the foot in then explained that she would “secure” it in place. No matter, it went smoothly and hopefully when I see the oncologist  on Wednesday it will have good results.

I am super stressed out about the Wednesday appointment. I know it is what is driving me to eat too much and hot flash too much and not sleep well. Bleh..

This is how my food played out for the day along with emotions too:

Coffee with unsweetened vanilla almond milk; two cups. Chocolate super foods shake with spinach, blueberries and almond butter.

After my appointment I get to work later than usual (duh) and make a cup of coffee with the last of the maple almond milk creamer. Then one cup with almond milk.

Lunch was kale/cabbage salad, one and half cups with pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries, 1 tablespoonful. Had four cherry tomatoes and poppy seed dressing too. The dressing was about 2 tablespoonful and a splash of water to thin it out.

Ate humus and pita chips too. Love the salt. I find it very comforting.

After lunch I enjoyed one of those Lindt chocolate truffles. I really wanted an Almond Joy but we were out of stock. Really hoping after Wednesday I will have less bad cravings and less hot flashes.

Got home and the popcorn the hubby had ordered from Amazon came in. He shared a bag with me. Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn. It was very good! I may have to snag another bag from him tomorrow.

I opened a bottle of Angry Orchard Knotty Pear and started making dinner. Dinner took a long time so I opened another bottle.

I made more of the baked pasta for dinner tonight. This time I used butternut squash instead of carrots in the sauce. It is strictly because I was out of carrot puree so I had to improvise. I still had a bag of cauliflower puree in the freezer so I had that in there too. I steamed a cup of broccoli to accompany my pasta. (pictured above)

So I am counting that as two servings of veggies. That means I had three and half servings of veggies today. At least that is how I am logging it.

Water is at 125 ounces and I did a yoga practice today too.

How did you do?

 

146.6….Thirsty, tired and hot…..

That is what I woke up to today. I don’t know why I am getting so hot lately. I am generally cold by nature but now with the unnatural hot flashes I am warm. Usually I am more comfortable in the winter time because it all balances out. The hot flashes actually seem to lessen. Not this week. This week I can’t sleep because they are terrorizing me. I toss and turn. I get up and walk around. When my alarm goes off and I hit snooze I lay there in an awful sweat that actually forces me to get up instead of hitting snooze eight more times like I like. Bleh.

Hoping for some reprieve soon. I believe stress induces the hot flashes. When this week is over and the doctor appoints are past I am really hoping to have evidence of that.

Now I am tired and ready for bed and it is only 7:30pm. Good times. Any way this is how my food played out today:

Coffee and almond milk creamer, two cups. Super foods shake was chocolate/spinach/banana

Decided to treat myself to a coffee since the roads were fine and I had an extra 25 minutes before work started. Worked out nice. The special was called the North Pole and it was prailines and creme brûlée’s PLUS I had a free one coming to me. So win-win in my book.

Delena made goodies again. She brought in those giant pretzel sticks dipped in chocolate. I helped myself to one. Very good.

Lunchtime rolled around and I had a cup of broccoli and a cup of the left over baked penne from the other night. You know, the one with carrots and cauliflower hidden it. We are almost out of the cauliflower puree and the hubby sent me an article stating there is a recall on that veggie now. Oh no!!

Got home from work and wasn’t sure what we would do for dinner. After searching the fridge and cabinets we settled on grilled cheese sandwiches. Hubby and I each had TWO!  So that means four slices of bread, four slices of cheese and a tablespoon of butter. It was very good. Nothing redeeming about it except it was the good Dave’s Killer Bread with the perfect balance of fiber and carbs.

While rifling through the cabinets I came across the bag of Hickory Farms mini nonpareil and had a serving of them for my dessert. I included a nice cup of black decaf coffee to wash them down with.

Thirty minutes of Yoga Relax today and am at 125 ounces of water. Not the best day, but not my worst. I had several servings of veggies and that is good.

How did you do?

144.4 and more Christmas cookies

I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I am overwhelmed yet I ask for more work. Yes, I just said that. I asked for more work, more responsibilities, more growth, more. Just more. Now I need to find the balance. I will, I know I will.

So I have been dealing with a lot of emotional things these last few weeks. I don’t know how to explain it completely. It had a lot do to do with holidays, and wintertime. Darkening skies, colder temps, doctor appointments and weight gain. I have been wearing those emotions on my sleeve and others started taking notice. They have been worried about me. Today I decided to hide my emotions and bring back ‘happy , bouncy fun ball’ Renee. Turns out when I hide my emotions I feed them instead. That is what happened today. I fed ALL my emotions today. I think this is NOT called balance.

Here is how my food day played out:

Breakfast: coffee and creamer. Chocolate super foods shake with dark cherries and spinach.

Get to work and brew more coffee: two cups and creamer.  Emotions are ready to be fed. I opt for a bag of single serving Funyuns.

Lunch came at about 2PM today for me. I was so thankful for my left over tacos from last night because all I could think about is hamburgers. I wanted a cheeseburger so bad. The two tacos were ground turkey, cheese and salsa. Had Kale salad with lemon dressing and parmesan cheese. So far so good…..

Then Manpower brought over Christmas cookies. I ate 4 and one-quarter. The one-quarter is because I bit into one and it was awful so I threw the rest of it away. I guess that is a victory, right?

Anyway I did my yoga Flow workout this morning.

125 ounces of water for the day.

How did you do?

146….

Work from your heart.

That is a phrase that has been playing in my head for the last few days. Trouble is, I don’t really know where my heart is right now. Hard to work from somewhere when you don’t know where you are.

I chalk it up to wintertime, depression and my upcoming doctor appointments. I want a good weigh in for my appointment yet I keep eating the carbs. I know this won’t work yet I keep sabotaging myself. I wanted the scale to be down by five pounds more than the number above but it won’t happen.

Water: 125 ounces

Workout: Yoga balance. Move of the day.

Breakfast: coffee and creamer, two cups (one was decaf)  Super foods shake chocolate, spinach and blueberries

Work: two cups of coffee with creamer

Lunch: tuna salad with celery and cauliflower. One slice of Daves Killer Bread. Half of a yellow bell pepper and 1 ounce of Cheez-its.

More coffee, decaf this time. Yes, there was creamer.

Dinner tonight was tacos. Yes the ones pictured above. I don’t know what it is about homemade tacos but I have to eat them ALL! I had four tacos tonight. I used ground turkey cooked in canola oil. Shredded cheese and salsa to top it off. Had a hard cider. It is the one listed above, it is made in Portland OR which is close to home so I had to try it. It is a true semi sweet. Not to bad.

I dove back into the left over ginger cookies. I had six of them. I think I will take the rest to work with me so I don’t eat them.

How did you do?

 

Pizza crusts counts…

Woke up this morning a bit depressed. Still processing information from yesterday that has me doubting everything. I feel uneasy about things. Not sure what is going to happen always leaves me uneasy and when I am uneasy about things it leads to depression. When I am feeling the depression coming on I feed it food. Lot’s of food, mostly carbs and very little veggies.

Here is how my day played out (food wise)

Woke up had coffee and creamer, two cups. Also had a cup of hot cocoa.  Made breakfast for hubby and I. Six slices of turkey bacon (hubby didn’t want to eat his so I had to help him out) two slices of toast with spreadable butter, two scrambled eggs with cheese. The eggs were cooked in olive oil.

Lunch was the rest of the salad from last night with the balsamic dressing. Had a slice of pizza. The hubby had two slices then gave me his crusts. He is very giving that hubby of mine. I have to count the pizza crusts I eat too, right?

Met up with a friend today around 2PM at a coffee shop. Had a 20 ounce double shot dirty chai latte.

Dinner tonight was one of those roasted chickens from the store. I ate ALL the crispy skin while I was making dinner. I made chicken fettuccine alfredo. I used large egg noodles instead of fettuccine noodles. The sauce was made with milk, mozzarella and parmesan cheese. The secret ingredient was cauliflower. So I guess I did have two servings today after all.

Water is at 125 ounces.

Did expansion core yoga today. Makes me feel a little better.

How did you do?

Salmon burgers…….

I didn’t sleep at all last night. Seriously, I didn’t. I have no idea how I was able to make it through work. I was numb in the mind and emotions (until the end of the day when I lost it) I am happy that even though I didn’t sleep I still got up and worked out with a friend. I promised I would and I showed up and that is what matters. I will tell you that I have no idea how in the heck I am still awake right now.!! I should be passed out, I feel very wide awake still. This is how it started last night. Ugh. Hope it is not another toss and turning with my brain not shutting off night..

Anyway here is how the food played out today. I have excuses but I am not going to use them. Here it is:

 

Breakfast was coffee with creamer, one cup. Super foods shake Cafe Latte flavor with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Get to work and have two cups of coffee with creamer and three Christmas cookies that a co-worker brought in today. Ugh. Tis’ the season.

Lunch was 1/2 cup of tuna salad with the cauliflower puree and celery. One slice of FFC bread. One cup of kale salad with parmesan cheese and croutons. Also had diluted lemon  dressing. I wanted more food so I bought a bag of Tostitos corn tortilla chips (two servings in one bag) and a cup of Tostitos nacho cheese cup.

Dinner was TWO Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Hard Cider. One cup of frozen green beans, one tablespoonful of garlic aioli and the salmon burger pictured above. The salmon burger has carrot puree in it too.  I was determined to FINALLY make this recipe forgetting that it called for putting the patties in the fridge for one hour first. Yikes! Who has time for that? So I popped them in the freezer and took a shower (I feel better after that) while they set. Hubby and I really enjoyed these! He had his on a bun. I saved one for me to have for lunch tomorrow. I will be making these again and again! So good.

I am only at about 125 ounces of water today. I did do my Yoga Flow on the Go workout this morning and that makes five days in a row. I am excited that I am developing consistency.

So, how did you do today?

I have set a goal…

I weighed in today and it was better than the last few days. I have a goal for the end of December. It is to be 141.1 pounds. Why the .1? well it means if I only get to 141.8 it will be closer or some other weird logic like that. It just looks better on paper that way. More realistic I guess.

I tried to keep a tally today on my servings of veggies. The trouble with that is two of my foods today had veggies hidden in them but I am not 100% sure if it counts as a “serving”.

Any way here is the rundown of food today:

Breakfast: Coffee and maple flavored almond milk creamer, two servings. Super foods shake cafe latte with blueberries and spinach. Added almond butter and turmeric this time too.

Get to work and have a  decaf coffee with the same creamer as above. Then I ended up brewing two more cups by noon.

Lunch: tuna salad (made with cauliflower puree and chunks of celery) One slice of Daves Killer bread (totally fits into the FFC department, fiber filled carb) cucumber slices. I had more tuna than bread so I went to the vending machine and bought a serving of whole grain Cheez-its. It also fit the FFC guidelines. 130 calories, 19 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber. Tasted great and I really enjoyed eating them.

Dinner was an Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Cider, the leftover burger patty from last night (it has carrot puree in it) two slices of cheddar cheese and half of a bell pepper. Hubby also made me try the new flavor of Poppable chips he had bought. I had two of them, white cheddar flavor. They were pretty good but I liked the original ones better.

If you were keeping tally of my veggies today I counted them as four; Spinach, Cucumbers, bell pepper and then for each serving of protein that had veggies hidden in them I counted as one more serving. I think that is fair, right?

I have 125 ounces of water in me so far and am half way through another 25 ounces.

I did my workout this morning: Yoga Flow. I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to the Flow on the Go tomorrow with friends.

Do you have an end of the year goal you are trying to reach? How close are you? How did you do with your tracking today?