145.8 Tuesday:What is wrong with me…

Give your best regardless of who is watching. That is what I read today in my personal development. I am being as honest as I can on this blog on what I eat and it is definitely not ‘my best’ Bleh. Here it is in it’s full glory.

Coffee w/creamer (almond milk) 2

Vanilla super foods shake with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Work coffee with almond milk, two.

1 and 1/2 ounces of chocolate covered almonds.

Lunch: kale salad with poppy seed dressing and four little tomatoes. 1 cup of pasta from last night. Giant pretzel with cheese dip. Five large Fritos with salsa #thanksscott

One cup of decaf coffee with almond milk.

Get home. I have the CHOICE to eat healthy OR stuff my face since I have to fast for blood work and my infusion tomorrow. I opt for stuffing my face.

This is how dinner played out: Smartfood white cheddar popcorn; one serving. Two cheese crisps. One Angry Orchard hard cider. Two Welches fruit snacks.

WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.ME?

My excuses have been the stress and anxiety of my upcoming appointment tomorrow. So the question lies; will I stop eating like this AFTER the weigh in and blood work and infusion tomorrow? I guess we will know soon enough.

I did get my yoga in today and 150 ounces of water.

Let’s talk about heat stroke….

Okay, what I really want to talk about are hot flashes. My husband calls them heat strokes. When they strike I kind of have to agree with him.

For me I can usually feel when they are coming on. I often feel nauseous, like I ate something bad, then I flush and flash. Jury is still out if it is a good thing to have a warning sign.

I was told that there are triggers to hot flashes and night sweats. I haven’t been able to find a connection yet. EXCEPT for when I sit here on the couch with my laptop on my legs… that is a trigger.

I don’t understand that the moment I lie down in bed I get a horrible hot flash. I also don’t understand that the moment I get up I have a hot flash. Is it the movement? The body adjusting to lying down and standing up?

A blogger that I follow told me she drinks enough wine to sleep through the night sweats. I find this intriguing. Another friend told me that vodka triggers her flashes. Conflicting.

Yesterday I had flashes ALL DAY LONG! I could barely handle it. I was losing my mind. I was also under a bit of stress at work. Does stress trigger them? That is a stressful thought.

I do not know if I will ever adjust to this ‘new normal’ brought on by surgery and chemotherapy.

The other day I had one come on while hubby and I were at the grocery store. He could hear the heavy breathing and discomfort noises I was making. Yes, hot flashes are noisy. He started blowing on me!! Ha ha he was hoping it would help me. It made me laugh but the slimy sweat was still there.

Anyone out there with advice? Coping mechanisms?

Signed: so tired and sweaty

Moments of a mad woman…

I am freezing! Seriously goose bumps and shaking. I can’t get warm.

I put on my hat and socks. Cozy up under two blankets.

Trying to warm up.

Twenty minutes go by, finally warmth!

Ugh, my tummy feels funny.

It is warming up too much.

Suddenly like a flash my body is on fire from the inside.

Off come the hat and socks and blankets.

This damn laptop is making it worse!

Where is that towel I keep close by to dry me off?

Then all is balanced and I am perfectly comfortable and dry.

Sheesh my feet are freezing where are my socks….

Dear Barb,

220px-The_Black_Beauty

Dear Barb,

Remember that time that I laughed at you because you kept changing chairs looking for the air conditioner? You said you needed the coolest spot in the building because of your hot flashes.

I laughed.

I am now officially apologizing via social media aka blogosphere.

I am sincerely, honestly, ashamed that I laughed at you. I had no idea how miserable it truly is.

Please forgive me.

Renee

Yep, true story. I had no idea, NO IDEA how awful these flashes and night sweats could be. I bought another fan for the bedroom. Yes, ANOTHER. I have the ceiling fan on all the time but it wasn’t enough so now I have a tall fan blowing directly on my face only about two feet away. It doesn’t really keep me cool, but it does help dry me off when I have the night sweats.

So between the night sweats, the hot flashes, the sweaty clothes and armpits, the extreme heat (for our region) and lack of air conditioning in the apartment, I am truly a hot mess.

Just one more fan should do it.