145.8 Tuesday:What is wrong with me…

Give your best regardless of who is watching. That is what I read today in my personal development. I am being as honest as I can on this blog on what I eat and it is definitely not ‘my best’ Bleh. Here it is in it’s full glory.

Coffee w/creamer (almond milk) 2

Vanilla super foods shake with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Work coffee with almond milk, two.

1 and 1/2 ounces of chocolate covered almonds.

Lunch: kale salad with poppy seed dressing and four little tomatoes. 1 cup of pasta from last night. Giant pretzel with cheese dip. Five large Fritos with salsa #thanksscott

One cup of decaf coffee with almond milk.

Get home. I have the CHOICE to eat healthy OR stuff my face since I have to fast for blood work and my infusion tomorrow. I opt for stuffing my face.

This is how dinner played out: Smartfood white cheddar popcorn; one serving. Two cheese crisps. One Angry Orchard hard cider. Two Welches fruit snacks.

WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.ME?

My excuses have been the stress and anxiety of my upcoming appointment tomorrow. So the question lies; will I stop eating like this AFTER the weigh in and blood work and infusion tomorrow? I guess we will know soon enough.

I did get my yoga in today and 150 ounces of water.

Monday. Dexa scan 146.8….

Had my dexa scan today, maybe deca scan.. It is a bone density test. It is one of the easiest appointments I could possibly ever have on this cancer journey of mine. No calcium 24 hours prior and no metal, buckles, or zippers. I wore my workout pants and my wireless bra. Turns out I still had to take my bra off since it had metal hooks. I did put on my work shoes and long socks so I looked quite hilarious in the waiting room. Black knee-length workout pants and socks with cups of coffee on them! Oh well. Made the appointment go easier. I had to turn my left foot in and then the technician strapped my foot in place. It was just funny when she asked me to turn the foot in then explained that she would “secure” it in place. No matter, it went smoothly and hopefully when I see the oncologist  on Wednesday it will have good results.

I am super stressed out about the Wednesday appointment. I know it is what is driving me to eat too much and hot flash too much and not sleep well. Bleh..

This is how my food played out for the day along with emotions too:

Coffee with unsweetened vanilla almond milk; two cups. Chocolate super foods shake with spinach, blueberries and almond butter.

After my appointment I get to work later than usual (duh) and make a cup of coffee with the last of the maple almond milk creamer. Then one cup with almond milk.

Lunch was kale/cabbage salad, one and half cups with pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries, 1 tablespoonful. Had four cherry tomatoes and poppy seed dressing too. The dressing was about 2 tablespoonful and a splash of water to thin it out.

Ate humus and pita chips too. Love the salt. I find it very comforting.

After lunch I enjoyed one of those Lindt chocolate truffles. I really wanted an Almond Joy but we were out of stock. Really hoping after Wednesday I will have less bad cravings and less hot flashes.

Got home and the popcorn the hubby had ordered from Amazon came in. He shared a bag with me. Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn. It was very good! I may have to snag another bag from him tomorrow.

I opened a bottle of Angry Orchard Knotty Pear and started making dinner. Dinner took a long time so I opened another bottle.

I made more of the baked pasta for dinner tonight. This time I used butternut squash instead of carrots in the sauce. It is strictly because I was out of carrot puree so I had to improvise. I still had a bag of cauliflower puree in the freezer so I had that in there too. I steamed a cup of broccoli to accompany my pasta. (pictured above)

So I am counting that as two servings of veggies. That means I had three and half servings of veggies today. At least that is how I am logging it.

Water is at 125 ounces and I did a yoga practice today too.

How did you do?

 

shhh….there’s veggies in there….

Seriously, there are veggies in the dinner tonight. Okay I know in my picture above it is obvious there are veggies in my dinner, but in my hubby’s dinner it was rice and chicken. I added cauliflower puree to the sauce the chicken was cooked in! He liked the taste of it too! One more day of adding something nutritious to his food. One day closer to bringing him over to my side…..bwahahahahahahaha…..

Had breakfast with one of very good friends today. We get to see each other a couple times a year, mostly from scheduling. Anyway we went to a very local yet beloved place today called Kalico Kitchen. I love our face to face visit and covet the time with her. It is a very blessed way to start a Sunday off.  Anyhoo, this is how my food day played out:

Coffee with creamer two cups. Headed out to breakfast had three more cups of coffee with half and half and sugar. Three cups. Ordered the egg tacos. These are very good. It was two fried corn tortillas stuffed with scrambled eggs, cheese and bacon. I added salsa to them too.

I ran to the grocery store after our breakfast, tried to do my shopping without a plan. Ha! that is never a good idea! Forgot stuff and bought things I didn’t need. #bigsigh

Got home and helped myself to three pieces of the Girl Scout Almond Butter cups along with half of a bell pepper and half of a peeled slice cucumber. Guess I will call that lunch today.

Made dinner tonight, pictured above. It is one of the recipes from the Jessica Seinfeld cookbooks. It was called creamy chicken. I served mine over veggies in an effort to get back to protein/veggies for dinner. It was pretty tasty. I made rice for the hubby. I had enough leftover rice and chicken that it will be my lunch tomorrow with more of the roasted veggies. I like having lunch packed and ready the day before. Gives me more time in the morning.

I did decide to have ‘dessert’ tonight. Made myself a super foods shake. I had vanilla shake with turmeric and cinnamon. I added ice cubes to make it more shake like. It was a nice dessert! Adding the turmeric made it like golden milk that I used to make when going through chemotherapy.

I actually did a workout today!?!?!? A full thirty minute workout that is! Yoga all over body workout.

Had 160 ounces of water today too. I am feeling pretty good about myself about now. It isn’t perfect (neither am I) but it is better than I have been doing. I am CHOOSING to make better choices from here on out. Especially after the hubby informed me that he has noticed attitude changes in me but not more than ten pound physical changes in me. #saddays My end goal is to make him proud of me and this means I am not near my goal yet. I must work harder.

Well that is how I tracked today.

How did you do?

My turn for the crud…

I have been fighting off the cold for about two weeks now. I think it has finally gotten it’s hold on me. Bleh. #thankshubby  So basically I have been in bed napping off and on since about 2PM today.  My mistake is I am binge watching the new season of the Great British Bake Off. I am really rooting for Rahul.  Watching the show makes me hungry and gives me a false sense of wanting to bake things.

This is how my food played out today:

Breakfast was three cups of coffee with creamer. One over easy egg and some hash browns. Had two glasses of grapefruit juice for my scratchy throat.

I was too tired to make anything for lunch so I ordered pizza for takeout. Hubby went and picked it up. It was sausage, black olive and mushroom. I ate three slices. It hit the spot.

Dinner was my super foods shake. Cafe Latte with spinach. It is an extra boost of vitamins. And that sums up the food for the day. Hopefully I feel better by tomorrow.

I have about 125 ounces of water so far. Probably will get another 25 ounces in tonight. I am finishing the Vegan Week on the show and I no longer hungry after watching them make meringue out of chick peas.

Hope you all stay healthy.

How did you do?

 

Shield yourself from everyone else’s agenda…

That was from my personal development today. Shield yourself from everyone else’s agenda. Meaning make sure to take care of you and not react to others or what might happen during the day. Be prepared to deal with them all with grace and peace…..ha!

That is NOT what happened to me today. I had an accusatory email followed by a doubtful email that makes me take every thing very personal. I become very protective of my team, Bleh.  SO how do I cope? I eat. I eat it all and then some. …. here is how that played out today:

Breakfast: coffee with almond milk and a splash of sf vanilla syrup. Espresso with creamer and almond milk. Vegan caffe latte super foods shake with blueberries and spinach.

Got to work and stopped by for a Red Velvet hot 16 ounce latte. Regular boring Keurig coffee with 1/2 and 1/2.

Lunch: A slice of pizza and salad (pictured above) with balsamic dressing. A bag of salsa flavored Sun Chips and a Snickers bar. #doublebleh

Snack: six mini bell peppers

Dinner: #herecomesallthebleh Ritz Pita chips 34 of them the rest of the salmon dip. Half of the pita chips went into the microwave to have cheese melted upon them. Cracked open a bottle of Angry Orchard Knotty Pear.

See I started off with good intentions to shield myself… then I let my emotions and circumstances dictate how I respond. That is not a shield. It is a coping mechanism. #quadruplebleh

Water was good. 185 ounces and Yoga Flow this morning. SO there is that.

How did you do?

What’s in a glass of water…

There is so much in a glass of water. The more I continue on my journey for health and healing I am learning this. I have always been a big advocate for water and it’s benefits and now the more education I have in health and nutrition I will become an even BIGGER pusher of the water!!

It helps your skin and your lungs and your normal poop cycle. It helps flush out toxins and bad tasting food. It makes you feel full so you don’t eat more than you should. Many people do not drink enough water throughout the day. In fact, the majority of the time you feel hungry you are probably dehydrated and just thirsty for water!! It is true!

When you are thirsty something triggers in your brain to tell your body….meanwhile your body like to play tricks on you and tell you that it really needs a cup cake STAT!! (not speaking from experience at all!)

Anyway, I have had a lot of water today. I know this because I tracked it. So far I am up to  140 ounces!! Now if all that water would ease my hot flashes that would be awesome!

There is a rumor going around that menopausal women (like me) can’t lose weight. I am going to prove them wrong. Will it be overnight? Ha! Nope. Will it be next month? Well possibly but not enough for anyone to notice except the scale. Will it be overtime little by little with lots of trial and error? YES!!!! Logging my food on here has helped me a lot. It shows you and me that no one is perfect no matter how much fitness and health and behavior classes they have taken. That we all eat foods for a reason: Comfort, emotions, socializing. That we speak negatively to our selves about ourselves and there is no success in that EVER.

So with that said here is the food for the day for me:

Breakfast: vanilla shake with 1 cup spinach and 1/2 cup blueberries. Coffee with 3 tablespoons of vanilla almond milk, then an espresso with more almond milk.

I was taking classes this morning and I was cold and tired so I made another cup of coffee with almond milk. Then I wanted something sweet so I added two pumps of the sugar-free salted caramel syrup to a cup of decaf with , yes almond milk.

Lunch today was the last slice of pizza from yesterday and more of the greek salad with the balsamic vinaigrette on it.

I was feeling restless and bored so I had a snack today. Had humus and a serving of the Ritz Pita crackers. They are pretty good and I like the salty crunchy aspect of them today.

Dinner: Water first of course. Had shrimp that I cooked in olive oil and a little butter with some fresh garlic. Served it more of the greek salad (almost done with the salad enough for my lunch tomorrow)

So far today I am feeling pretty good about my food. Feeling full and emotionally satisfied too.  I have pooped today and as I mentioned 140 ounces of water.

No workout today. It was a lazy watch Netflix with the hubby do some studies and classes on-line kind of day.

How did you do?

Acid Reflux for the win…..

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had acid reflux the first couple of hours when I went to bed, (too much to eat after my 3 day reboot) then the painful aches started up again with a vengeance.  When we soaked in the hot springs for hours it felt so good. When I went to bed it did not. I don’t know why the hot springs made all the pain activate again.  When I went in for my massage and Clay Foot Detox session the therapist implied that my body was probably clenching on to tight to my joints trying to protect themselves from the relaxation. She made it sound better and it made sense the way she described it.

Anyway it was the best message I have in a very long time!!! I actually jogged along the road a little to take a picture of Coffee Creek (I had too) I feel good! So thankful for Sage at Ainsworth Hot Springs.

Today I was planning on getting back to my healthy track and do some yoga, have my shake for dinner and a nice big salad……this is how my day play out instead..

Breakfast: coffee and creamer….lots of coffee and creamer. Two eggs over easy with bacon, fresh fruit, and sour dough toast.

Stopped at Oso Negro in Nelson BC for a double mocha and a small bite of the hubby’s chocolate cake.

Lunch: Half a bag of pig skins.

Late lunch: a slice of hubby’s left over scicillian pizza, a cup of vanilla latte decals and a whole bag of red licorice.

Tomorrow I see the doctor and I am sure I will be told that my weight is too high and so will my cholesterol.. Oh well. I really enjoyed my self and feel wonderful today.

How did you do?

What!?!?!

I am using every excuse in the book today to not workout. Headache, lack of oxygen, bloody boogers and awful, awful hot flashes. Cats on Instagram and making a butt load of coffee. No not a coffee enema! 
Oh the hot flashes!! Why are they back? I don’t get it. I am taking the meds faithfully. I know this because I have alarms set to remind me to take them no matter where I am. I have a timer on my computer at work that goes off and my cell phone has a daily alarm set too! I have to put everything on my calendar including this. Yet, I am back to having night sweats that last for at least fifteen minutes each time, and in the course of writing this very long running paragraph I have had two major hot flashes that my hair is dripping. YUCK!!!
I blame the headaches, boogers and lack of oxygen on the surrounding air quality. Our city is filled with smoke from the surrounding fires and it is playing havoc on everyone.
Yet the hot flashes….. I know it is a side effect from being shoved into menopause but I had them pretty well under control. At least manageable.  Why now? What in the last two weeks has changed that they are like this now?
Okay, I wasted enough time complaining that now I only have time for a shower and to get ready for work!!! HA HA HA HA HA my evil plan worked, no time for a workout now!!!!
and the excuses keep coming.. so easily distracted…..
I will get back on track. I will beat this hot flash monster. I will beat the lack of motivation. I will be a good example again. Right after another cup of coffee and a few more happy cat videos on Instagram. #goals

Love is being….

Love is being gentle hearted. 

Let’s talk about my friend Cherylina. We met years ago through Zumba. We friended each other via Facebook and chatted all the time. We did a Zumbathon together. We drank waaaay too much wine together. We laughed and prayed and listened to each other.

She knew something was wrong. I am not sure other than woman’s intuition but she knew. She called me out on it. I told her about the cancer.

A week before my surgery I had to have a ‘pre’ surgery. It was a surgery that involved blue dye being pumped through my lymph nodes. I was told that the medicine would turn my urine blue too. When I shared this with my group she created a cute picture for her Facebook profile

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All of my friends changed their profile picture to this cute little blue smurfette and pink sock that said ‘be strong’!! I knew looking online my friends where there for me. PS I did pee blue.

When I had my “big” surgery last January one of the many things I struggled with was my hair. Funny how my hair has come into play through all of this. Anyway, I was stuck in bed with 5 octopus drains. It was uncomfortable and tiring. The worst part was I couldn’t wash my hair.

Cherylina came over to check on me and visit. When she came over she took the time to sponge bathe me. She scrubbed me down hair and all. It was humbling for me. She cares for her Uncle who had to be taken care of almost like a small child. She said it was no big deal. It was a BIG deal to me. It made me feel freshened up and clean. It was personal, I was vulnerable, she was gentle. Gentle Hearted.

Many days during my recovery she would facetime with me to keep me company. She would share her struggles as an instructor, how doors were opening for her to move on, and how scared and excited she was about it. I was impressed, excited, rejoicing and a bit envious of all of it. She is so inspiring and strong and courageous.

I don’t know where I would be without those chats. I don’t know where I would be without her friendship.

Love is being gentle hearted. Love is my friend Cherylina.

 

Love is…….

my mom………

The day that I was diagnosed with cancer I called my husband and my son. Late afternoon I called my sister. I put my mom on the call list for ‘last one’ on that day. My friend Erin ( you will get to meet her soon here too) told me that the hardest part was telling your child about the cancer. She was wrong. The hardest for me was telling my mom.

My mom had just gone through her bout with breast cancer about three years before me. She opted for a lumpectomy no radiation and lots of prayer. Around the same time as she was healing from the surgery my dad fell ill. Very ill. She was so distracted from taking care of my dad that she didn’t worry about the cancer or recurrence. My dad passed away in January. It was hard on my mom but she kept telling me she was okay. The cancer was gone.

When I had a surgery date planned she made sure her schedule was cleared so she could come up and help Keith take care of me. Truth was she just needed to see me in person. She needed to see that I was really alright. It is a mom thing. I totally get that.

Mom was here for about a week. She did the dishes, made some of my favorite childhood meals and just visited with me, Keith and my son. She fell in love with adult coloring books, made friends with my neighbors, enjoyed going to the big, fun bookstore (think Powell’s Books in Portland then knock it down about 12 notches)

It was nice to have her here. It gave Keith the chance to get out of the house and run errands or check in on work. He didn’t have to worry about me being taken care of, mom was there.

My mom prayed for me daily, probably hourly for months. She sent me the book she used to meditate with. During chemo she sent happy things in the mail hoping they would be there the day of treatments. My favorite was a magazine entirely about Lucille Ball.

Every Sunday my mom and I text. It is not a long labored text. It simply says’ Happy Sunday’ Love you. We have turned it into a game of who texts first. Currently I am winning because of the time change.

As good as the visit was to help Keith and I out, I think the visit was a trip of recovery, healing, comfort and discovery for my mom.

Love is my mom.