Salmon burgers…….

I didn’t sleep at all last night. Seriously, I didn’t. I have no idea how I was able to make it through work. I was numb in the mind and emotions (until the end of the day when I lost it) I am happy that even though I didn’t sleep I still got up and worked out with a friend. I promised I would and I showed up and that is what matters. I will tell you that I have no idea how in the heck I am still awake right now.!! I should be passed out, I feel very wide awake still. This is how it started last night. Ugh. Hope it is not another toss and turning with my brain not shutting off night..

Anyway here is how the food played out today. I have excuses but I am not going to use them. Here it is:

 

Breakfast was coffee with creamer, one cup. Super foods shake Cafe Latte flavor with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Get to work and have two cups of coffee with creamer and three Christmas cookies that a co-worker brought in today. Ugh. Tis’ the season.

Lunch was 1/2 cup of tuna salad with the cauliflower puree and celery. One slice of FFC bread. One cup of kale salad with parmesan cheese and croutons. Also had diluted lemon  dressing. I wanted more food so I bought a bag of Tostitos corn tortilla chips (two servings in one bag) and a cup of Tostitos nacho cheese cup.

Dinner was TWO Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Hard Cider. One cup of frozen green beans, one tablespoonful of garlic aioli and the salmon burger pictured above. The salmon burger has carrot puree in it too.  I was determined to FINALLY make this recipe forgetting that it called for putting the patties in the fridge for one hour first. Yikes! Who has time for that? So I popped them in the freezer and took a shower (I feel better after that) while they set. Hubby and I really enjoyed these! He had his on a bun. I saved one for me to have for lunch tomorrow. I will be making these again and again! So good.

I am only at about 125 ounces of water today. I did do my Yoga Flow on the Go workout this morning and that makes five days in a row. I am excited that I am developing consistency.

So, how did you do today?

Tuesday…not a taco in sight..

I am just at such a loss right now. I am struggling with keeping the tears in. Cancer is such a bitch. Yeah, I said it..a swear word. I have said many a swear word these last few years. My cousin Eric would let me use the mother of all swear words in our texts to each other. He lost his mom, my aunt to breast cancer and when I was diagnosed he would text me randomly and correct my language.. he would tell me to make it harder. I love him so much for that. I struggle with knowing that I am still here and his beautiful amazingly strong mom is not. Cancer is not fair. Cancer is a bitch. Cancer can suck it.

It took another one last night. I just don’t even have the words to talk more about it right now. I am just emotionally raw. Is that an excuse to not eat right? No. Did I use it? Yes. Do I know that eating healthfully will help retard the growth of cancer? Yes. Do I care right now? No.

With that said this is what I ate today:

Breakfast: coffee (3 cups) with almond milk. Two scrambled eggs with spinach and mushrooms cooked in a teaspoonful of olive oil. I slice of great FFC toast.

Work: more coffee (three cups to be exact) each with 1/2 and 1/2. A granola bar. The crunchy Oats and Honey kind. I was feeling very dizzy this morning at work, I think from sinuses. I needed some carbs/protein bar. I wanted a protein puck but it was more than what I had on my vending machine card. #goodexcusesright

Lunch: ate my sandwich from yesterday. It was layers of deli sliced turkey breast no nitrates, mustard and one slice of that amazing FFC bread. Had a salad of cabbage and two tablespoons of homemade asian dressing.

Snack: about 4:30 PM today. Two tablespoons of humus with pita chips. Carrot sticks and half of a yellow bell pepper.

Dinner: a plateful, albeit a small plate of BBQ beef and a large glass of champagne.

Water: I am at 120 ounces now.

Workout: Yoga stretch. Did something called the ‘lizard’ I am always amused at the names of yoga poses. Makes me smile. Like the ‘happy cow’. It is pretty much like sitting crossed legged just a variation of it but it is called the ‘happy cow’ Maybe cows cross their legs like that when they are done for the day. I grew up around cows and can’t really recall any of them sitting like that…oh well the lizard was challenging for sure but a great hip flexor stretch.

Notice I did NOT have my superfoods shake today. First day I have “missed” in weeks. I just didn’t think it would go well with my champagne.

The champagne is doing its job and helping me relax. I am ready for bed. I will probably turn on Netflix and listen to Fraiser reruns until I fall asleep. If I can sleep. Survivors guilt is a real thing. Losing a young, strong, amazing woman to cancer is a real thing. And it all just sucks.

How did you do today?