144.8 Wednesday …..

Everyone is doing the best he can…..That was the lesson from my personal development today. Everyone is doing the best he can. Even if it doesn’t appear that way they really are.  Good words to learn to live by. If only I could figure that out.

Today was my blood draws and infusion. I am so happy that day is over!! I am actually feeling very relieved and I fully believe I will be able to sleep tonight. Thankful the hubby he came with me this time. It helped me be more talkative and distracted. I always cry a little when they try to get the iv in. I still shed a few tears but much less this time. I told him that I wanted him to take a picture of me. I wanted to do the “Jill Whelan” face from the movie “Airplane”

IMG-1107

That is as good as I could do. If you are going to be miserable you may as well find a way to make it fun, right?

Blood work came back good. I still have osteopenia and there is change in my spine but not enough to have to change my meds. So all in all it was a good week. I think my lipids are not lower so I am sure my PCP will be calling me soon about that. Bleh. Oh well one thing at a time.

I had to fast for my appointment so my whole day of food is off. Very off. This is how it played out:

Plain coffee (fasting) Get to work around 11:15AM go and get an almond butter Protein Puck. It was stale and I couldn’t chew it. I managed to get about 1/2 of it down. I really wanted an espresso but hubby drove me and so I didn’t have the car. I settled for coffee with almond milk. Wasn’t that good. Someone offered me a chocolate truffle and I ate that. it was good.

Lunch rolled around and it was kale and cabbage salad with green olives and feta dressing. I added tomatoes too. Had one cup of bake pasta. Shared some of Scott’s chips and salsa again.

After lunch I had another cup of coffee. This time with almond milk and sugar. Yes sugar.

Got home after work and had to bake the cookies pictured above. Ginger spice. Made them spicier this time, more ginger and allspice. Hubby said they were spicier.

Anyway while baking I made dinner. Two cheese crisps, 2 Angry Orchard hard ciders, 10 nonpareil chocolates and two ginger spice cookies. No wonder my cholesterol isn’t getting better :/

The GOOD things I did today was YOGA with my friend Ginny and 150 ounces of water. That makes me happy. That and infusion is done!

How did you do?

145.8 Tuesday:What is wrong with me…

Give your best regardless of who is watching. That is what I read today in my personal development. I am being as honest as I can on this blog on what I eat and it is definitely not ‘my best’ Bleh. Here it is in it’s full glory.

Coffee w/creamer (almond milk) 2

Vanilla super foods shake with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Work coffee with almond milk, two.

1 and 1/2 ounces of chocolate covered almonds.

Lunch: kale salad with poppy seed dressing and four little tomatoes. 1 cup of pasta from last night. Giant pretzel with cheese dip. Five large Fritos with salsa #thanksscott

One cup of decaf coffee with almond milk.

Get home. I have the CHOICE to eat healthy OR stuff my face since I have to fast for blood work and my infusion tomorrow. I opt for stuffing my face.

This is how dinner played out: Smartfood white cheddar popcorn; one serving. Two cheese crisps. One Angry Orchard hard cider. Two Welches fruit snacks.

WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.ME?

My excuses have been the stress and anxiety of my upcoming appointment tomorrow. So the question lies; will I stop eating like this AFTER the weigh in and blood work and infusion tomorrow? I guess we will know soon enough.

I did get my yoga in today and 150 ounces of water.

Monday. Dexa scan 146.8….

Had my dexa scan today, maybe deca scan.. It is a bone density test. It is one of the easiest appointments I could possibly ever have on this cancer journey of mine. No calcium 24 hours prior and no metal, buckles, or zippers. I wore my workout pants and my wireless bra. Turns out I still had to take my bra off since it had metal hooks. I did put on my work shoes and long socks so I looked quite hilarious in the waiting room. Black knee-length workout pants and socks with cups of coffee on them! Oh well. Made the appointment go easier. I had to turn my left foot in and then the technician strapped my foot in place. It was just funny when she asked me to turn the foot in then explained that she would “secure” it in place. No matter, it went smoothly and hopefully when I see the oncologist  on Wednesday it will have good results.

I am super stressed out about the Wednesday appointment. I know it is what is driving me to eat too much and hot flash too much and not sleep well. Bleh..

This is how my food played out for the day along with emotions too:

Coffee with unsweetened vanilla almond milk; two cups. Chocolate super foods shake with spinach, blueberries and almond butter.

After my appointment I get to work later than usual (duh) and make a cup of coffee with the last of the maple almond milk creamer. Then one cup with almond milk.

Lunch was kale/cabbage salad, one and half cups with pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries, 1 tablespoonful. Had four cherry tomatoes and poppy seed dressing too. The dressing was about 2 tablespoonful and a splash of water to thin it out.

Ate humus and pita chips too. Love the salt. I find it very comforting.

After lunch I enjoyed one of those Lindt chocolate truffles. I really wanted an Almond Joy but we were out of stock. Really hoping after Wednesday I will have less bad cravings and less hot flashes.

Got home and the popcorn the hubby had ordered from Amazon came in. He shared a bag with me. Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn. It was very good! I may have to snag another bag from him tomorrow.

I opened a bottle of Angry Orchard Knotty Pear and started making dinner. Dinner took a long time so I opened another bottle.

I made more of the baked pasta for dinner tonight. This time I used butternut squash instead of carrots in the sauce. It is strictly because I was out of carrot puree so I had to improvise. I still had a bag of cauliflower puree in the freezer so I had that in there too. I steamed a cup of broccoli to accompany my pasta. (pictured above)

So I am counting that as two servings of veggies. That means I had three and half servings of veggies today. At least that is how I am logging it.

Water is at 125 ounces and I did a yoga practice today too.

How did you do?

 

146….

Work from your heart.

That is a phrase that has been playing in my head for the last few days. Trouble is, I don’t really know where my heart is right now. Hard to work from somewhere when you don’t know where you are.

I chalk it up to wintertime, depression and my upcoming doctor appointments. I want a good weigh in for my appointment yet I keep eating the carbs. I know this won’t work yet I keep sabotaging myself. I wanted the scale to be down by five pounds more than the number above but it won’t happen.

Water: 125 ounces

Workout: Yoga balance. Move of the day.

Breakfast: coffee and creamer, two cups (one was decaf)  Super foods shake chocolate, spinach and blueberries

Work: two cups of coffee with creamer

Lunch: tuna salad with celery and cauliflower. One slice of Daves Killer Bread. Half of a yellow bell pepper and 1 ounce of Cheez-its.

More coffee, decaf this time. Yes, there was creamer.

Dinner tonight was tacos. Yes the ones pictured above. I don’t know what it is about homemade tacos but I have to eat them ALL! I had four tacos tonight. I used ground turkey cooked in canola oil. Shredded cheese and salsa to top it off. Had a hard cider. It is the one listed above, it is made in Portland OR which is close to home so I had to try it. It is a true semi sweet. Not to bad.

I dove back into the left over ginger cookies. I had six of them. I think I will take the rest to work with me so I don’t eat them.

How did you do?

 

Salmon burgers…….

I didn’t sleep at all last night. Seriously, I didn’t. I have no idea how I was able to make it through work. I was numb in the mind and emotions (until the end of the day when I lost it) I am happy that even though I didn’t sleep I still got up and worked out with a friend. I promised I would and I showed up and that is what matters. I will tell you that I have no idea how in the heck I am still awake right now.!! I should be passed out, I feel very wide awake still. This is how it started last night. Ugh. Hope it is not another toss and turning with my brain not shutting off night..

Anyway here is how the food played out today. I have excuses but I am not going to use them. Here it is:

 

Breakfast was coffee with creamer, one cup. Super foods shake Cafe Latte flavor with spinach, almond butter and blueberries.

Get to work and have two cups of coffee with creamer and three Christmas cookies that a co-worker brought in today. Ugh. Tis’ the season.

Lunch was 1/2 cup of tuna salad with the cauliflower puree and celery. One slice of FFC bread. One cup of kale salad with parmesan cheese and croutons. Also had diluted lemon  dressing. I wanted more food so I bought a bag of Tostitos corn tortilla chips (two servings in one bag) and a cup of Tostitos nacho cheese cup.

Dinner was TWO Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Hard Cider. One cup of frozen green beans, one tablespoonful of garlic aioli and the salmon burger pictured above. The salmon burger has carrot puree in it too.  I was determined to FINALLY make this recipe forgetting that it called for putting the patties in the fridge for one hour first. Yikes! Who has time for that? So I popped them in the freezer and took a shower (I feel better after that) while they set. Hubby and I really enjoyed these! He had his on a bun. I saved one for me to have for lunch tomorrow. I will be making these again and again! So good.

I am only at about 125 ounces of water today. I did do my Yoga Flow on the Go workout this morning and that makes five days in a row. I am excited that I am developing consistency.

So, how did you do today?

I have set a goal…

I weighed in today and it was better than the last few days. I have a goal for the end of December. It is to be 141.1 pounds. Why the .1? well it means if I only get to 141.8 it will be closer or some other weird logic like that. It just looks better on paper that way. More realistic I guess.

I tried to keep a tally today on my servings of veggies. The trouble with that is two of my foods today had veggies hidden in them but I am not 100% sure if it counts as a “serving”.

Any way here is the rundown of food today:

Breakfast: Coffee and maple flavored almond milk creamer, two servings. Super foods shake cafe latte with blueberries and spinach. Added almond butter and turmeric this time too.

Get to work and have a  decaf coffee with the same creamer as above. Then I ended up brewing two more cups by noon.

Lunch: tuna salad (made with cauliflower puree and chunks of celery) One slice of Daves Killer bread (totally fits into the FFC department, fiber filled carb) cucumber slices. I had more tuna than bread so I went to the vending machine and bought a serving of whole grain Cheez-its. It also fit the FFC guidelines. 130 calories, 19 grams of carbs, 2 grams of fiber. Tasted great and I really enjoyed eating them.

Dinner was an Angry Orchard Knotty Pear Cider, the leftover burger patty from last night (it has carrot puree in it) two slices of cheddar cheese and half of a bell pepper. Hubby also made me try the new flavor of Poppable chips he had bought. I had two of them, white cheddar flavor. They were pretty good but I liked the original ones better.

If you were keeping tally of my veggies today I counted them as four; Spinach, Cucumbers, bell pepper and then for each serving of protein that had veggies hidden in them I counted as one more serving. I think that is fair, right?

I have 125 ounces of water in me so far and am half way through another 25 ounces.

I did my workout this morning: Yoga Flow. I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to the Flow on the Go tomorrow with friends.

Do you have an end of the year goal you are trying to reach? How close are you? How did you do with your tracking today?

Last day of November……

I have no idea where this day went. Seriously I arrived at work at 8 like usual, next thing I know it is 12:30…12:30! Had to leave work for a pizza run for a good-bye party for one of my co-workers. There was snow and rain and running around town. When I get back it was 2:30PM. I walk in the door and am immediately pulled back out again for more meetings. I feel like  I was never even there. Really weird day. And now it is the end of November…so crazy.

 

I woke up this morning and weighed in. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t good. What I am disappointed about is it is higher than last month. All I could ask myself is ‘Now What’? BUT Oct. started at 147. Nov. started at 143. It is ending at 145. I am not happy with it yet it is still better than when I started in Oct. I have to keep reminding myself of this: I am still working on this and that I still have gains (technically losses).  One day at a time…. here is how my food played out today:

 

Breakfast: Coffee and creamer two cups. Super foods shake today was cafe latte, spinach and banana.

Stopped off for a Starbucks Caramel Creme Brûlée grande size. My excuse for Starbucks today was to get Tyler a goodbye coffee and a gift card. Yeah, I may have a problem…hmm.

Lunch happened about 2:45 PM when I grabbed a slice of pizza from the party and snagged a few bites before hitting the meeting. Came down scarfed it down and went in search to see if there was any left. There was, so I scarfed that one down too.

Finally get home from work and I am not sure what to make for dinner. We settled on breakfast. I made the hubby three scrambled eggs with cheese and two slices of toast. The toast smelled so good. I really wanted some. I talked myself out of it. I am pretty darn proud of that.  I had two scrambled eggs with a bit of cheese and cup of spinach. I added salsa to it and then had a couple of slice of turkey bacon (pictured above). Lots of protein and some veggies. It was very good.

All in all I feel pretty good about today even with the pizza. I made sure to have my next meal be better instead of giving into other craving.

Water was okay today, 150 ounces.

No work out today. Just happy to be home in my warm bed watching  Accidentally on Purpose crying and laughing. I am okay with this.

How did you do today?

shhh….there’s veggies in there….

Seriously, there are veggies in the dinner tonight. Okay I know in my picture above it is obvious there are veggies in my dinner, but in my hubby’s dinner it was rice and chicken. I added cauliflower puree to the sauce the chicken was cooked in! He liked the taste of it too! One more day of adding something nutritious to his food. One day closer to bringing him over to my side…..bwahahahahahahaha…..

Had breakfast with one of very good friends today. We get to see each other a couple times a year, mostly from scheduling. Anyway we went to a very local yet beloved place today called Kalico Kitchen. I love our face to face visit and covet the time with her. It is a very blessed way to start a Sunday off.  Anyhoo, this is how my food day played out:

Coffee with creamer two cups. Headed out to breakfast had three more cups of coffee with half and half and sugar. Three cups. Ordered the egg tacos. These are very good. It was two fried corn tortillas stuffed with scrambled eggs, cheese and bacon. I added salsa to them too.

I ran to the grocery store after our breakfast, tried to do my shopping without a plan. Ha! that is never a good idea! Forgot stuff and bought things I didn’t need. #bigsigh

Got home and helped myself to three pieces of the Girl Scout Almond Butter cups along with half of a bell pepper and half of a peeled slice cucumber. Guess I will call that lunch today.

Made dinner tonight, pictured above. It is one of the recipes from the Jessica Seinfeld cookbooks. It was called creamy chicken. I served mine over veggies in an effort to get back to protein/veggies for dinner. It was pretty tasty. I made rice for the hubby. I had enough leftover rice and chicken that it will be my lunch tomorrow with more of the roasted veggies. I like having lunch packed and ready the day before. Gives me more time in the morning.

I did decide to have ‘dessert’ tonight. Made myself a super foods shake. I had vanilla shake with turmeric and cinnamon. I added ice cubes to make it more shake like. It was a nice dessert! Adding the turmeric made it like golden milk that I used to make when going through chemotherapy.

I actually did a workout today!?!?!? A full thirty minute workout that is! Yoga all over body workout.

Had 160 ounces of water today too. I am feeling pretty good about myself about now. It isn’t perfect (neither am I) but it is better than I have been doing. I am CHOOSING to make better choices from here on out. Especially after the hubby informed me that he has noticed attitude changes in me but not more than ten pound physical changes in me. #saddays My end goal is to make him proud of me and this means I am not near my goal yet. I must work harder.

Well that is how I tracked today.

How did you do?

It’s a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving….

… My husband was worried that he missed the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special the other day. He kept asking me if we had missed it. He was so happy to find out it was on tonight. I got home after work AND running to the store the night before Thanksgiving (crazy like that) Hubby said that no matter what he was watching Charlie Brown tonight and I was welcome to join him. So I did.

When I was listening to Darren Hardy today for my PD he shared something that stuck with me today: When in doubt choose the harder task. The one you don’t want to do is usually the one you SHOULD do. So much truth to that!!  If I want a trimmer waist line then I MUST do the hard things. Like NOT going to the coffee shop for the special today. Which by the way was hard for me. It is maple spice latte, my favorite and I wanted one so bad……talked myself out of it. I will admit it took a lot of talking but I did talk myself out of it.

Anyway, here is the breakdown of food today:

Breakfast: Coffee with creamer, two cups. Today’s super foods shake was vanilla with spinach, mango almond butter and a splash of turmeric.

Got to work, SKIPPING the coffee shop mind you, and had four cups of coffee with the amazing maple almond milk creamer that I am now officially addicted to.

Long day at my desk waiting for FedEx to call me back, they didn’t so I snacked on some of the Girl Scout sea salted Cashews that I had just bought from one of my staff, you know to support their kid… (sheesh I am a sucker) had 1/2 cup of cashews.

Eventually I went to lunch about 2:30 because my team made me go. I wasn’t really hungry and I wasn’t super excited about my lunch either. I ate some of it; half an apple, 2 cups of spinach with pumpkin seeds and more of that dijon dressing.

After my “quick run” to the grocery store I settled into home for my dinner. Hubby made himself a couple of cheese crisps, I had veggies and an Italian sausage with one cup of the roasted veggies (they are so good still) and Wicked Green Apple cider the whole bottle.

Watched Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with the hubby and am currently cuddled up in a warm bed watching Monk on Amazon Prime. I am very happy in my little world right now.

Water is 150 ounces today. No workout.

 

How did you do?

Veggie free..

So pretty much this has been a veggie free weekend! Not by choice, well I guess by choice. I just wasn’t choosing what I should have been.

My hubby has decided that he wants to be on the Renee train and is all in for joining me in the journey for health and fitness. He absolutely  detests veggies. Years ago he found out that Jerry Seinfeld’s wife Jessica had written a cookbook for foods kids like that all have veggies hidden in them. He wanted me to cook from it for him but not tell him what I used in it. We decided that to get him into liking veggies we would start off slow and go back to cooking from that book. What was really exciting to me was he spent the whole day prepping, chopping, steaming and measuring out the veggie purees to pop in the freezer for our meals!! This is a HIUGE deal to me. He must really love me. It was a wonderful day of us just working together in the kitchen. Chatting and laughing and catching up on our week at work and planning out our budget for the year to come. It was wonderful. Funny side note: we were prepping veggies all morning that when lunch time rolled around we ordered take out, pizza.

Butternut squash (from my garden) spaghetti squash, cauliflower, carrots, sweet potatoes. That is what we pureed today. I made a turkey meatloaf using the carrots and cauliflower for dinner this week.

This is how my food played out:

Breakfast was three cups of coffee with creamer. One cup of hot chocolate. I made poached eggs for the first time ever and served them over a piece of toast with pancetta. Yum!

Lunch was two slices of ‘white pizza’ it is ricotta and mozzarella. I had sausage and mushrooms on mine.

Dinner for me was a vegan chocolate superfoods shake with 1 cup of fresh spinach. I had to sneak a serving of veggies in there somewhere!

 

All in all I had a lovely day! Enjoyed my hubby’s company while prepping for our health and dinners for the week. I am  tired and need to shower but I am very happy.

145 ounces of water today.

How did you do?